Twilight Revealed! Stupid questions answered
by stillsingininrain
Summary: I've asked random stupid Twilight questions, now here are both my logical answers and the answers my crazy, unfiltered brain comes up with.
1. Chapter 1

So... I've gotten some interest in the idea of me (*snort* like I could be SERIOUS...About ANYTHING...) answering the questions I've asked. Obviously they didn't know who they were dealing with. But, hey, I'll oblige.

Here's the way this works. The thoughtful, logical answer is under "Logical Conclusion." My answer is under "Sarah's Story." Yep. My name is Sarah. And I'm easily distracted.

1. Can Edward hear someone's thoughts over the phone?

Logical Conclusion: If he could hear thoughts over the phone, Edward would've known Jake was talking about someone else's funeral and wouldn't have assumed it was Bella's funeral Charlie was attending when he called pretending to be Carlisle. So therefore, no, he cannot hear thoughts over the phone.

Sarah's Story: No. If he could hear thoughts over the phone, Emmett would rope him into spending all his time prank-calling people, then bugging him for their thoughts.

2. Has there ever been a vegetarian werewolf?

Logical Conclusion: No. That would just be stupid.

Sarah's Story: Sure. His wife sucked at cooking meat, so he told her he didn't want to kill the "cute fuzzy-wuzzy animals." Then he'd go out and hunt as a wolf. His wolf brothers would razz him about his wife's cooking and they'd all go over to someone else's house to gather. That's how Emily got to be such a good cook – one of her ancestors started the tradition and it's ingrained in her to cook for the wolf pack.

3. Has a vampire ever marketed his or her saliva as lighter fluid?

Logical Conclusion: That would take WAY too much spit to even consider.

Sarah's Story: That's where those guys who spit fire come from. It takes too much effort to break into the lighter fluid mass market these days, so the "freak" vampires just join the circus.

4. Can vampire hair cut through steel?

Logical Conclusion: Sure. Why wouldn't it? Everything else on a vampire is strong, including finger nails. Why would hair be any different?

Sarah's Story: Steel? Who cares about that. Rosalie uses hers to cut diamonds. "Look! I made it sparkle! Oooh, shiny..." Yes, Sarah is a blonde. Yes, Sarah is easily distracted by sparkly or shiny items. Yes, Sarah speaks from time to time in third person.

5. Would eating a vampire bat cause a "vegetarian" vampire to be classified as a "meat-eating" vampire?

Logical Conclusion: Only if that bat had sucked blood from a human.

Sarah's Story: (Still thinking about diamonds) Pretty, pretty sparkle. Shiny. What? BATS? Eeew... Yeah, so even if a vampire caught a bat, it would be so little blood it hardly seems worth it. But if they actually DID drink its blood, well, I guess that's their prerogative. I'm not gonna hold a little, disgusting, flying rodent blood against a hottie like Edward. There's only so much self-control a vampire can have. However, I'd want him to brush his teeth first before kissing me. (Well, that answers question number 37...)


	2. Chapter 2

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 2)**

**6. Does Emmett like Nascar? **

**Logical Conclusion: Anything that has to do with cars interests Rosalie. If Rosalie's interested, Emmett's into it.**

**Sarah's Story: Emmett seems like the all-around jock. Jocks like cars. Therefore, Emmett likes cars. (Yes, I know that's flawed reasoning. I did take debate class two semesters in high school.) However, if Rosalie likes Nascar...**

**6 ½. Does Rosalie like Nascar?**

**Logical Conclusion: See above answer.**

**Sarah's Story: Rosalie's got a racecar hidden in a garage on the property and can't wait to be the next female indy driver. Emmett acts as her jack, and she's her own pit crew. **

**7. Has Carlisle ever used his English accent to charm the ladies? **

**Logical Conclusion: He was alone until Esme jumped off a cliff and nearly died. He changed her then to be his companion. Most likely he didn't use the accent, otherwise the women would've been lining up.**

**Sarah's Story: He uses it now on Esme to get a little somethin' somethin', if you know what I mean.**

**8. Have the Cullens ever considered getting a pet?**

**Logical Conclusion: No. They'd mess up Esme's hardwood floors and soil her white carpeting.**

**Sarah's Story: ********They tried looking at dogs, but the dogs smelled too bad. They got a kitty instead. ****(Emmett wipes his furry mouth and hides from Esme as she looks around the house) Esme:"Hey, where did that cute little Fluffy go? Here, Fluffy Fluffy..." **

**8 ½. What would happen if Renesmee asked, as a child, the inevitable girl question – "Can I have a pony?"**

**Logical Conclusion: She wouldn't ask that. She prefers Keats and Browning to ponies.**

**Sarah's Story: (Takes on snobby air) As a horse riding professional, I'm aware that horses often spook at dogs. With a little desensetization, they can get over their fear of dogs and trail ride along side the horse. (Loses snobby air) C'mon. Really? Does she actually NEED a pony? The kid has a werewolf to ride. I wouldn't mind taking a spin on Jake.**

**9. Just how many pieces of real estate DO the Cullens own?**

**Logical Conclusion: We know of at least three. The Forks residence, a place out on the east coast, and Esme's island. There are probably quite a few around.**

**Sarah's Story: Real estate's cheap right now. It would be a good time to buy an area to use as a "wolf preserve." You know, a little early wedding present for Renesmee and Jake.**

**10. When the stock market went bust, did Alice do a little savvy investing and make a killing?**

**Logical Conclusion: Sure. She would know when it was time to sell, and she'd have called her broker right before it all went to... Well, you know where.**

**Sarah's Story: (*Gasp*) Of course not! Her morals and values would have prevented such a thing. She wouldn't profit at someone else's loss. She probably used money to shore up the stocks and help others... (*Breaking into laughter*) Yeah, right. She took her profits, built a swimming pool, and does laps among the $100 bills a-la Scrooge McDuck. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (Even though I'd like to stroll with Emmett at Twilight. Maybe he'd give me a bear hug)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 3)**

**11. Does Alice ever sew her own clothes, or does she always insist on other people making them for her?**

**Logical Answer: Alice takes pride in wearing designer labels. She wouldn't make something she could just as easily buy herself with her endless money.**

**Sarah's Story: Alice wouldn't have patience to make clothing. She's like a squirrel – she's never in the same place for more than a few minutes, and things get boring to her quickly. Her ADD-type personality wouldn't let her sew an entire outfit. **

**12. What do you get the vampire who has everything? Christmas must be extremely difficult...**

**Logical Answer: A gift card exchange wouldn't cut it. You'd have to get something really cool. Carlisle's gift of the island to Esme couldn't be topped, so maybe he stopped trying. (Note: Alice already got her Porsche. A perfectly good gift and it wasn't even Christmas.)**

**Sarah's Story: Mistletoe. Lots and lots of Mistletoe. (Yeah, the husband doesn't really know the extent of my Twilight man-obsession. I'd get more mistletoe if the hubby had fangs...)**

**13. Why don't the Cullens collect Classic cars if they've been around for so long? **

**Logical Answer: They lived when the cars came out. New=more exciting.**

**Sarah's Story: Alice sees a time when cars are obsolete, and we all have our flying jet-packs. She figures one car per person ought to do it, since someday they won't need 'em anyway.**

**13 ½. Do they have their old cars at other homes?**

**Logical Answer: Probably. **

**Sarah's Story: See above answer.**

**14. Does Jasper have a hobby? (Rosalie – cars, Emmett – anything fun and fast, Alice – clothes, Edward – piano, Esme – redesigning and fixing up homes, Carlisle – the hospital.) Hmmm...**

**Logical Answer: Yep. Everyone has a hobby.**

**Sarah's Story: He probably collects GI Joe dolls – ahem, action figures. He's got this whole war-strategy thing he used to be into, so he lines up his dolls and has 'em duke it out. Either that, or he likes to watch old westerns. Shoot 'em up at the OK corral. Ah, simpler times...**

**15. Do the Cullens have scrapbooks of photos besides those they took of Renesmee? (Imagine a candid shot of Carlisle next to Teddy Roosevelt...)**

**Logical Answer: It stands to reason that Carlisle was more interested in healing than photography. He probably didn't consider it important at the time, especially since vampires have excellent memories.**

**Sarah's Story: Esme made all the Cullen "children" pose for "baby photos" so she could have a scrapbook of them "growing up." (picture Emmett with a bib and baby rattle...)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I'd love to hug Esme...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 4)**

**16. Would a taser work on a vampire?**

**Logical Answer: Kate's gift is taser-like. I imagine if the taser were on a strong enough setting, they could feel it. **

**Sarah's Story: I have to agree with the (small) area of my (at times) logical brain. Kate is a vampire taser. She ran a current over her skin. No wonder she was single for so long. (Sorry, Kate, but ya gotta have better people skills... "What? You want ME to catch the polar bear?! You were the one to ask me out – I thought you were providing dinner! You jerk!")**

**16 ½. Would tasering be something Emmett would play around with?**

**Logical Answer: Emmett likes to have fun. Taser=fun. Unless you're the one being tasered. **

**Sarah's Story: ********Emmett:"Dude, let's play a game of taser tag!" ****Definitely he'd use it. If not on vampires, most certainly on humans. (Edward and Emmett wrestle over taser) "Emmett! Just this once, let me get that wretched Mike Newton back. Pleeeease?"**

**17. Can vampires get tattoos, or do they have to settle for magic marker?**

**Logical Answer: Unless they used steel needles, tattoo ink probably couldn't get below the skin. Even then, I don't see it working.**

**Sarah's Story: Tee hee. Magic marker... Too bad vampires don't sleep. (Emmett doodles on Jasper's face. Jasper wakes up.) "Hey, man, whatcha doin'? (Emmett jumps back.) "Nothing..."**

**18. What happens when a vampire jumps on a trampoline?**

**Logical Answer: Unless they jump too hard, probably it's the same as when people jump on a trampoline.**

**Sarah's Story: (Emmett smirks, jumping on trampoline)"How much do you bet I can jump over the house?"**

**19. Are there any vampire "drinking" games?**

**Logical Answer: Um, probably not.**

**Sarah's Story: (Emmett – again.) "How much do you wanna bet I can finish off more bears than you?"**

**20. Do vampires get indigestion? ( along the lines of mad cow...)**

**Logical Answer: Probably not. Their bodies are made of rock. They don't get sick.**

**Sarah's Story: "Wow, that guy didn't agree with me. I said he'd taste delicious, and he said he wouldn't. He sure was right."**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I'd love to ride a werewolf...Jake, can I borrow you for a sec?)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 5)**

**21. Would Diet Coke and Mentos, if swallowed, create a really spectacular volcano/puking display?**

**Logical Conclusion: If the vampire had his or her mouth open, most likely.**

**Sarah's Story: Can I be there when they do it? Puh-leeeze? I bet Emmett would volunteer...**

**22. Has Rosalie ever considered going on something like "America's Next Top Model"?**

**Logical Conclusion: With the neccessity of holding a low profile, Rosalie would avoid media attention at all costs.**

**Sarah's Story: Rosalie, being as vain as she is, would undoubtedly believe she was above the competition. Since she IS the most beautiful woman in the world (though Heidi's up there somewhere, right?) she's got the whole beauty thing sewn up. However, there's more to the competition than just modeling. There's backstabbing, rudeness, and all-around diva-like behavior. Rosalie's got some work to do. Perhaps she's considered it, but she's got to toss her blonde hair around a little more before going on a show like that. **

**23. Does Alice ever lie about the future just to see what happens?**

**Logical Conclusion: That tricky Pixie has often conned us into believing something untrue, or skating around the truth. She left in Breaking Dawn, making Bella believe she'd really left the Cullens to save her own skin. Perhaps she does lie, but it's more of a white-lie scenario.**

**Sarah's Story: (Yeah, this was my original 23 ½.) "Wow, Rosalie, I didn't know that new shampoo you used would cause your hair to all fall out. It must not be compatible with our bodies. Ah, well. Nothing you can do about it now..." Yep. My conclusion. If I were Alice, I'd do it all the time until people didn't know what to believe.**

**24. a. Rosalie has a red BMW b. Emmett has a Jeep c. Carlisle has the black mercedes d. Alice has a Porsche 911 Turbo e. Edward has a volvo f. Jake has a volkswagen rabbit and motorcycle g. Even Bella has a motorcycle and truck (before she gets the Breaking Dawn vehicle(s)...**

**What do Jasper and Esme drive? **

**Logical Conclusion: Esme probably cruises around in Carlisle's mercedes with him. Jasper seems like a runner. He prefers man power to horse power.**

**Sarah's Story: Esm********e doesn't seem to leave the house a lot, but when she does, it's in Carlisle's mercedes. There's a reason for those tinted windows... Jasper has Alice's Porsche as of Eclipse. He rides with her in that if he needs to go somewhere. He also hitches a ride in Edward's volvo (yeah, who's with me on the fact that Edward drove a HATCHBACK in the Twilight movie? SO not sexy!) to school. Jasper needs to get some wheels, and we're not talking about a vespa here.**

**25. If the Cullens are always buying groceries to make it seem like they eat, do they just throw out the food every night, or do they compost?**

**Logical Conclusion: They compost. "The use of finite resources is everyone's business," was an Edward line to convince Bella he should drive her into a bookstore in Twilight. (They went to a meadow instead, but I digress.)**

**Sarah's Story: ********Esme is a manic composter. She seems a little OCD, since there aren't any dust bunnies or cobwebs in that house. Most likely her beautiful flowers come from last night's "dinner." **

**25 ½. Why is Emmett eating actual food in the cafeteria scene during the Twilight movie? Don't get me wrong, he's hot when he does it, but isn't he going to have to choke it up afterward? (That part isn't so hot. The choke-it-up part is according to the Stephenie Meyer website FAQ...)**

**Logical Conclusion: Part 1: Emmett's being believable as a human. He's gotta act the part so the other students believe they're human. Part 2: The actor's hungry. He's a big guy, he needs energy.**

**Sarah's Story: Emmett likes life as a vampire. Just because he has to drink blood doesn't mean he can't try a little pizza on the side. Gotta eat a balanced diet, you know. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I'm blonde AND a size 2 like Rosalie... Except inside I'm actually Alice...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 6)**

**26. Did Edward's eyes turn red after he sucked the poison out of Bella's blood/body in ****_Twilight_****? **

**Logical Conclusion: In Breaking Dawn, Edward tells Bella it will take a few months for her red eyes to dilute to mocha. It goes to reason that when Edward drinks Bella's blood in Twilight, it's such a small amount that it doesn't really affect his eye color. **

**Sarah's Story: Does it matter? He'd still be hot. Very, very, very hot. If Bella didn't like those red eyes, I'd be happy to take the poor boy in...**

**27. Would pepper make a vampire sneeze?**

**Logical Conclusion: In the movie Twilight, the pepper spray Bella sprayed in James' eyes didn't do a thing to him. Well, it did make him mad. Pepper, in turn, would probably have no effect on a vampire.**

**Sarah's Story: Vampires don't have many weaknesses. I can't imagine my dear, sweet Jasper sneezing at such a simple thing as pepper. Though it would have helped during New Moon if Edward had a pepper shaker handy, just to try it...**

**28. Did Jane and Alec torture their parents?**

**Logical Conclusion: Why do you think they became vampires? With kids like that, who needs enemies?**

******Sarah's Story: I see them as the vampire version of Children of the Corn. Who's with me? **

**28 ½. Does Jane play with her food?**

**Logical Conclusion: Yes. That's just the kind of sick, twisted individual she is. **

**Sarah's Story: If I were a vampire, I'm sure I'd play with my food. Think of Emmett and his grizzly bear fascination, or Edward with the whole mountain lion preference. Maybe Jane braids her victim's hair first before enjoying a midnight snack.**

**29. Doesn't the Forks Goodwill get a little suspicious when they recieve so many great clothes from the Cullens?**

**Logical Conclusion: The Cullens are rich. Everyone knows it. The Goodwill probably figures if they draw attention to their best donators, they'll lose 'em. **

**Sarah's Story: I'm Rosalie's size. I want those jeans she wears during Twilight. Yes, there's barely room to move in them, but still... **

**29 ½. Anyone wish they could go to the Forks Goodwill with me? : )**

**Logical Conclusion: Of course. I'm fun to shop with. **

**Sarah's Story: All the good stuff is gone by the time I get to my local Goodwill, why would Forks be any different?**

**30. Genetically, pigs are close relatives to humans – Are there any vampires who prefer pig blood?**

**Logical Conclusion: Since most vampires think the Cullens are kind of nuts for not drinking human blood, it stands to reason that most vampires wouldn't even think of trying anything but human blood.**

**Sarah's Story: Bacon. Good. Bacon Good. Mmmm... Blood? Eckh. Bacon... Mmmm...**

**30 ½. Are there any vampire farmers? **

**Logical Conclusion: Probably not, but the Cullens could start a trend if they have the zoning to start a small farm.**

**Sarah's Story: Bo-ring. Would the story of Bella, the new girl to Forks, falling in love with the local vampire farm boy have worked? Doubtful. Though the hay stacks would have excellent possibilities... "Oh, Jasper, sure I'll help you feed the chickens..."**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I want to visit Edward's meadow...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 7)**

**31. Has Emmett ever told Rosalie a blonde joke?**

**Logical Conclusion: If he values his skin, he most certainly hasn't so much as even mentioned the word "Blonde Joke" in her presence.**

**Sarah's Story: A blonde went into an auto parts store, and told the guy at the counter she needed help. She'd lost her 710 cap. He looked at her strangely, and she just repeated that she lost her 710 cap and needed one right away. He asked her to draw what it looked like on a piece of paper. She drew this:**

**He turned it upside down and figured out what she needed.**** (Rosalie's a car person. She'd appreciate that one...)**

******32. Does ****Jake ever get the urge to try a dog biscuit?**

**Logical Conclusion: All men get the urge to try a dog biscuit. Dogs or Wolves, whether part human or not, all appreciate any form of food. Men are the same way.**

**Sarah's Story: I've eaten a dog biscuit. The incident wasn't worth repeating.**

**33. Do shapeshifters/Quilieutes and real werewolves get along?**

**Logical Conclusion: Since the Quilieutes dislike vampires and hate that they "infect" other people with their affliction, most likely the Quilieutes would have no patience for any other form of "monster." Even though werewolves would still be living, breathing entities, they bite and injure others to perpetuate the species. (Wow. Wasn't that intelligent sounding? I really used my smarticles. Yes, I'm 28 and I watch the Suite Life on Deck. Call me a loser if you like. I don't care. Yay me!)**

**Sarah's Story: I sounded so smart above, I'm still reveling in my own smartness. (I was an English minor in college. I've earned the right to mutilate the language to my heart's desire.)**

**34. Why haven't Caius and Marcus tried to beat up Aro yet?**

**Logical Conclusion: They have to all get along. They want (vampire) world domination. You can't dominate the vampire world with only two people. Well, you can, it just isn't as easy. They need a spare guy or two just in case the whole "take over the vampire world" scheme doesn't take the first time or two. They've got the guard to help keep their power, and other than the Cullens, there's no family big enough to even try to stand up to the volturi. **

**Sarah's Story: Just because you don't hear about it doesn't mean it hasn't happened yet. I'd get annoyed and beat him up. **

**35. Who would win at a game of poker – Jacob or Alice? **

**Logical Conclusion: Alice has been at this a lot longer. She knows what other people will do before they do it, but she can't see Renesmee or the wolves. Jake has all those wolf brothers who probably get bored after a while. They pull out a deck of cards as a distraction. Jake has the upper hand in overall guts and skill, while Alice has years of forseeing other people's moves before they make them. I'd have to say Jake will win the best 4 out of 7. **

**Sarah's Story: I don't want to play either of them. I suck at cards. I rarely bet against Alice, but my logical brain says Jake's the winner here. Sorry. Love ya, Alice, and I'd be happy to tool around Forks in your lovely yellow Porsche, but I don't think you'll beat that russet beast. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I want to go hunting with Edward... Even if it means I'm the quarry...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 8)**

**36. Do different nationalities of people have different flavors of blood?**

**Logical Answer: We all have different blood types, and not all are compatable. O+ and O- most certainly taste different to the distinguished palette. They're comprised of different parts, therefore, the taste is likely to vary from person to person. **

**Sarah's Story: "Alice, please bite me! I promise I'll taste good!"**

**37. Do vampires brush their teeth?**

**Logical Answer: Vampires don't need to worry about tooth decay. They're made of stone. Their breath smells sweet to us, at least according to the Twilight books. **

**Sarah's Story: I have to say, anyone who drinks blood probably smells a little like iron. Blood smells like rust and salt (according to Bella Swan, but I tend to agree,) and that's not the most appealing smell in the world. Hmmm... I'd have to say I'd hope the boy toy would brush AND floss before kissing me. However, if he was as cute as Edward, he could probably skip the "human moment" and do ok.**

**37 ½. Do vampires ever need toothpicks?**

**Logical Answer: Even though vampires don't actually eat meat, they have to bite through skin in order to suck blood. It's likely that they'd have problems with getting flesh stuck in their teeth. (Unless the teeth fuse together... hmmm... something to ponder...) A toothpick wouldn't hold up to vampire strength if the vampire weren't paying attention. It would be very easy to break it in half. I imagine if a vampire really needed to, he or she could fashion a toothpick fairly easily out of a piece of metal.**

**Sarah's Story: Toothpicks are SO not sexy. Well, unless it's Emmett. Or Jasper. Or Edward. sigh. Why is it that when I imagine a guy with a toothpick it's always some guy with a huge gut and sweaty armpits? If only I could change the image to a lithe, sexy Edward leaning against a doorway, running his fingers through his hair, staring up at me through his long eyelashes while chewing on a toothpick... Ahhh. That's better. I'd run to get the toothpick for him if it meant I'd get to see him do that, whether he needed one or not.**

**38. Where do "normal" vampires go on a date? (Hey, baby, I hear there's a lot of new blood playing on the court, meet ya at the basketball game at 7...)**

**Logical Answer: Normal vampires go hunting. All people have the primal urge to get sustinance, whether vampire, shapeshifter, or human. People go to restaurants (Bella and Edward with mushroom ravioli) to get sustinance. Vampires go where they need to, also. Just because one party doesn't have to "pay" for the food doesn't make it any less of a date.**

**Sarah's Story: Edward can take me any place he pleases, red eyes or not. **

**39. When a vampire changes, if they have pierced ears, do the ears stay pierced or do the holes fill in?**

**Logical Answer: When a human changes into a vampire, all of their human deformities, disabilities, and diseases dissappear. This allowed Carlisle to save Edward, Rosalie, Emmett and Esme when their human bodies were beyond saving with conventional medicine. Most likely, piercings on the body would heal and dissappear.**

**Sarah's Story: Piercings on girls = ok. Piercings on guys = ok if the guy's hot. If all piercings just disappearred, it wouldn't bother me too much. I imagine that extra holes in the head qualify as something that would be removed to perfectly heal the body. Ah well. I'd rather have eternal life and Jasper rather than holes in my ears...**

**40. Did the "garlic repel vampires" myth (according to the Twilight books) occur because it makes our breath stink? **

**Logical Answer: Edward never cares when he kisses Bella. He kisses her in the morning. (Ew. Morning breath.) He kisses her at night after she brushes her teeth. (better.) He doesn't seem to mind her breath, no matter what time of the day she kisses him. When she re-heats lasagna, he asks if it tastes good. The smell doesn't seem to bother him, but it also isn't appealling as food. Perhaps all this changes after Bella eats. She smells good to him, and probably that doesn't change no matter what she eats.**

**Sarah's Story: Yep. I don't kiss my husband after he eats garlic. Or onion. Uck. I can believe Edward would be repelled from kissing someone with nasty garlic breath. The vampires probably started that myth themselves after getting too close to someone who'd eaten too much of the stuff. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **Heya, thanks for making my stories hit over 1,500 hits for the month of March! ** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I'd like to provoke Paul and have Jacob rescue me...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 9)**

**41. Do vampires hate the sound of dog whistles? **

**Logical Answer: Vampires would be able to hear dog whistles, since their hearing is so acute. However, since dog whistles are so incredibly rare in today's society, I highly doubt any of the vampires have had to put up with that particular sound. If they heard a dog whistle, they'd probably be annoyed, but it wouldn't be a big deal.**

**Sarah's Story: I can actually hear dog whistles. What does that say about me? I hate the sound. It hurts my ears. I know what I want to do to the whistler when I hear one, so I can only imagine how it would sound to a vampire. It's not pleasant, I assure you.**

**42. If Emmett hears a rat/mouse in his room (they do live in the woods, after all...) does he take revenge in the form of – well, a "snack"?**

**Logical Answer: Rodents are known to carry many forms of diseases. Vampires have a good sense of smell and are very good hunters. If they wanted to catch a mouse or rat, it would be fairly easy for them. However, once it was caught, it's unlikely they'd drink its blood. Mice and rats carry vermin and skin diseases; they were the main carriers of the black plague. Uck.**

**Sarah's Story: "Yo, Emmett! Chug! Chug! Chug!" And yes, I'd still kiss him afterward. **

**43. How would the Cullens react to the YouTube videos produced by Evil Iguana? (Check 'em out if you haven't yet. They're hilarious!)**

**Logical Answer: The Cullens are all pretty serious people, but the scene in the initial Twilight movie where Bella meets Edward's family shows a lot about their sense of humor. When Emmett tells Bella that since she and Edward have gone public with their relationship, and if it ends badly the whole family would be at risk, everyone cracks up when Bella asks them if he means she'd be the meal. They smile. They laugh a little. Sure, the Cullens realize the gravity of the situation, but that doesn't mean they can't laugh at themselves.**

**Sarah's Story: Evil Iguana rules. I'd laugh and feel honored if they made fun of me. **

**44. Do vampires get split ends? **

**Logical Answer: Rosalie has enough hair products on her shelf she's a one-woman salon. Even if vampires could get split ends, she uses enough preventative methods she's not bothered.**

**Sarah's Story: Why do you think so many of the vampires have obvious wigs? Apparently werewolves have worse split ends than vampires, though. Poor Jake...**

**45. How is it possible that Charlie never once questioned why Edward never ate food at his house? **

**Logical Answer: Charlie's a guy. He didn't like what Edward did to Bella in New Moon, so he couldn't care less if the boy mooches food there or not. When Edward's around, he speaks in monosyllables or grunts. He doesn't like Edward, and probably figures Edward is uncomfortable enough to not eat there. **

**Sarah's Story: Charlie must be pretty dense. He really, REALLY didn't notice the boy never ate ANYTHING? C'mon. Seriously. Edward's gorgeous, skinny. Charlie's job requires him to notice things. If nothing else, he had to worry that Edward was anorexic. Yet he never said a word. He offered him food from time to time, but Edward never ate there. Somehow Charlie completely missed the boat on that one. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I'd like a before and after set of cars...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 10)**

**46. Is there a vampire food pyramid? **

**Logical Answer: ********Variety is important here. Since some blood types are more rare than others, the rare types are at the top of the pyramid. The less rare types are at the bottom. Since animal blood is different than ours, I can only imagine what the Cullen food pyramid is.**

**Sarah's Story: Yep. Blood.**

**46 ½. Did any of the Cullens ever take Home Eq?**

**Logical Answer: Um, no. It wasn't exactly something they needed to take in order to graduate. Sure, Harry Potter had muggle studies, but the vampires of Twilight were more than aware of the normal human necessities.**

**Sarah's Story: Emmett in an apron. (*giggles*)**

**47. What WAS the third wife's name? **

**Logical Answer: Whatever her name was, it probably meant "martyr" in Quilieute.**

**Sarah's Story: I'm going with Clementine. "Oh, m'darlin, Oh, m'darlin, Oh, m'darlin, Clementine, you are lost and gone forever, dreadful sorry, Clementine..."**

**48. Do vampires like Seinfeld? (The show, not the standup material) **

**Logical Answer: The vampires do actually have a sense of humor. Anyone with half a brain and a strange sense of humor loves Seinfeld. (The show, not the standup material.) Even Jake could agree with the Cullens on that.**

**Sarah's Story: If you don't like Seinfeld, "No Edward for you!"**

**49. Did Renesmee have to wear diapers at any point?**

**Logical Answer: Every baby goes through the diaper phase. However, when you consider that it's never once mentioned if vampires have to go to the bathroom, it's likely they don't need to if they only drink blood. (However, it's not mentioned in regards to Bella until she's pregnant with Renesmee in Breaking Dawn, so I digress...) When Carlisle tries to get Renesmee to eat baby formula and she resists, it seems that any chance of her needing diapers is gone. If she only drinks blood like her vampire dad, nobody needs to worry about nasty baby diapers. Yay!**

**Sarah's Story: Thank god I don't have kids. Cleaning up after animals doesn't bother me, but stinky diapers make me want to vomit.**

**50. Did Edward mess with Bella's truck, or did it die of natural causes?**

**Logical Answer: Of course he messed with Bella's truck! He wanted her in a bomb-proof car that was built better than most tanks. He wasn't taking any chances with her. The truck was old, and that gave him a good excuse as to why it would die.**

**Sarah's Story: I've seen pickups where the odometer rolled over and the vehicle kept on truckin'. He totally messed with it. **

**50 ½. Did Rosalie mess with Bella's truck?**

**Logical Answer: If Edward wanted to get the truck inoperable, Rosalie was his best weapon. She'd know how to tinker with it to make it look as if the truck died on its own. However, she'd love to mess with it because of her pent-up hostility toward Bella, if for no other reason.**

**Sarah's Story: Heck yeah. Edward totally enlisted Rosalie. However, no matter why the truck kicked the bucket, Bella needed to quit whining. I'd be happy to trade my car for anything Edward was willing to buy for me. I'd be happy with her old truck, too. (If it could haul a horse trailer...)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I wish I could smell a vampire... Enjoying the bouquet without tasting the wine...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 11)**

**51. What did Emmett do before he met the Cullens?**

**Logical Conclusion: Emmett was a regular guy. He enjoyed hunting meat for his family, keeping them happy and fed. This is a complete fabrication. I honestly don't know what Emmett did for a living, nor do I know why he was in the woods. **

**Sarah's Story: Emmett was an alligator wrestler who wanted a bigger challenge. He liked Pina Coladas and gettin' caught in the rain. Sadly, these pastimes didn't help him 'rassle a bear. **

**51 ½. Why was Emmett fighting a bear when Rosalie saved him?**

**Logical Conclusion: He was out hunting. The bear was out hunting. The bear was a better hunter than Emmett.**

**Sarah's Story: Alligators were too easy. Emmett wanted something bigger, something scarier. Instead of trying to work his way up, he went to the top of the forested North American food chain – a Grizzly bear. **

**52. Did Alice predict she'd be put in an insane asylum?**

**Logical Conclusion: No, because if she did predict that, she'd have changed something about her life until she wasn't put in an asylum. **

**Sarah's Story: Alice clearly predicted being in full darkness. She just thought she'd be building a tent out of blankets and chairs in the living room – it never occurred to her she'd get put in an asylum. **

**53. How did Edward manage to get Bella's "before" car?**

**Logical Conclusion: Money talks. **

**Sarah's Story: Edward traversed the globe searching for the perfect car. A fully-loaded, armed tank? Too obvious. A hummer? Too rich looking. But a big black car with missle-proof glass? Perfect. He simply picked the car up with his little finger and walked off with it. Carlisle swam to France from Italy – Edward swam the car from Europe across the Atlantic, through the Panama Canal, and back up the Pacific coast to Forks. People who spotted him swore he was the strangest sea-turtle they'd ever seen.**

**54. Did vampires still suck blood in London during the black plague?**

**Logical Conclusion: Nope. They moved out of the city looking for new blood.**

**Sarah's Story: Did ya ever kiss someone who was sick? How about someone who was pimply? How about sick AND pimply? How about if those pimples were the size of a golf ball and were weeping, open sores? Yeah, um, the vampires found lunch OUTSIDE London.**

**55. Have there ever been any Quilieute vampires?**

**Logical Conclusion: Nope. All the vampires who met Quilieutes were mentioned in Billy's stories during Eclipse. Plus, it's mentioned (at LEAST in Breaking Dawn, if not the other books) that vampire saliva is lethal to werewolves/shapeshifters.**

**Sarah's Story: Ah, blood lust. It's too strong to allow any vampires to abandon their lunch when tasty, sexy Quilieutes are about. Just look at those werewolves in the two Twilight movies. Wouldn't you like to stay all day and drink in the six-packs on those wolves' tummies? Exactly. Vampires take one look at that attractive bunch and they have the exact same thought. Seriously. Those bad boys are SO delectable. **


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? The more hits/faves/author alerts I have, the more I update. ** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I'd love to see Renesmee's dreams...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 12)**

**56. When Jacob carved the wolf for Bella's bracelet, what did he use? **

**Logical Conclusion: Jake's fingernails always have a layer of oil, grease, and other car detritus underneath them. If he wanted to carve a wooden wolf, he'd either have to use fingernails (dirty) or a pocketknife (clean? possibly...) Most likely he'd chose the pocketkive.**

**Sarah's Story: Pocketknife, smocketknife. The boy could stick a piece of wood in his mouth and spit out a perfectly carved wooden wolf. Good teeth and a talented tongue. Isn't that what all of us fantasize when we think of Jake?**

**57. So – Edward's mother died of Spanish Influenza. He was dying of Spanish Influenza when Carlisle changed him. Carlisle took his mother (after she died) and Edward (while barely still alive) to the morgue. Edward was dying and Carlisle took him home in order to change him. How did Edward manage to get all of his mother's jewelry, including her wedding ring, if he was too sick to know his mother was dead?**

**Logical Conclusion: Um, ew. Really? She probably took her jewelry off before she went into the hospital, and she hid all her valuables at home for Edward to find once he went back. **

**Sarah's Story: Carlisle snuck into the morgue and pried her wedding ring off the cold, lifeless hand. I cringe just writing that. Ugh. Like he'd be able to do such a thing. Unless he had Alice around (which obviously, given their history, he did not) Carlisle wouldn't know to take it off for Edward to give to Bella. Yucky. I bow to reason on this one.**

**58. In Twilight the movie, where's Lauren?**

**Logical Conclusion: There is no Lauren. There's a girl with long blonde wavy hair, but she's never named. She hangs out by Tyler's van, but doesn't shoot Bella dirty glances. We'll see in Eclipse if she stays unnamed... **

**Sarah's Story: Didn't you see her? Over there? Aw, ya just missed her. Oh! There! Missed her again. Being blonde, I love the fact that all the blondes in the Twilight series are pretty much jerks. Dakota Fanning? Jane, the most evil of all. Rosalie? Fugettaboutit. Meanie. Lauren in the books? President of the meanie club. But I digress. Lauren's not in the movie. Don't think she'll appear any time soon. Poor girl. Oh well. Fewer characters = more Edward screen time. Yay!**

**59. Do vampires play any other sports?**

**Logical Conclusion: Yes. They enjoy the competition and chance to use their highly developed bodies. Like werewolves, they enjoy moving around. Unlike werewolves, they don't need to gleam in order to get attention. It's hard to play, however, if the ball deflates/pops when you're playing. (i.e. volleyball, basketball, football... You get it.) **

**Sarah's Story: Edward and Carlisle went golfing one time, and it didn't work out too well. They finished their game in eight and a half minutes, and wondered why everyone else was always out there for hours. When asked why he didn't play golf professionally, Carlisle answered, "The golf caddies aren't as good looking as nurses."**

**60. Which sports do werewolves prefer?**

**Logical Conclusion: Track and field. Jake says the best part about being a wolf is the speed. **

**Sarah's Story: ********Anything where they get to use their highly athletic bodies. The more they get to sweat, the more they gleam. The more their attractive, muscled bodies gleam, the more attention from members of the opposite sex. Rippling muscles with gleaming sweat... Can I watch?**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I'd love to have two buff, attractive men looking out for me...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 13)**

**61. When Edward tells Bella goodbye in New Moon, why didn't he walk her back to her house before leaving? **

**Logical Conclusion: Edward knows Bella will try to follow him. If he'd left her at her house and began driving somewhere, she might have followed. If he ran down the street, she might have chased him. He wanted to take her somewhere she wasn't likely to follow him out of. **

**Sarah's Story: Edward wanted Bella to stay in Forks and not follow him. True Love saved h[im] in the fire swamp (ok, not really, but go with it...) and [he] treated it like ****garbage**. And that's what [he] is, the [King] of Refuse. So bow down to h[im] if you want, bow to h[im]. Bow to the [King] of Slime, the **[King]** of Filth, the **[King]** of Putrescence. Boooo! Boooo! (Princess Bride? Anyone? Anyone love that movie as much as I do?) Edward wasn't so smart right then. He didn't realize he'd hooked and reeled his lady in already. Instead, he tried to release her with the hook still in her mouth, trailing a sinker. (Wow. Charlie would be so proud...Fish metaphors...) In any case, Bella wouldn't let Edward go no matter what. He took the easy way out, leaving a note for Charlie in case Bella tried to follow him (which she did).

**62. What's Bella's favorite book?**

**Logical Conclusion: Bella is a voracious reader who has tons of Shakespeare on her shelf, along with Jane Austen. Any of the books from the aforementioned authors would be equally compelling as her choice. There's no proof anywhere within the Twilight realm as to which book is her all-time favorite. Best guess? Pride and Prejudice. That was before the Zombie version, which I suspect would make her favorite list, too. **

**Sarah's Story: Twilight. Duh. Second favorite? The Little Engine that Could. She really identifies with that train.**

**63. What's Edward's favorite song?**

**Logical Conclusion: Classical song or popular song? He'd so be into the whole angsty genre going on right now because of his inner demons. (Yeah, the boy has SERIOUS mental baggage.) He's a simple boy, so classically, he'd chose something simple and understated. Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring comes to mind. Popular song? Well, he went through all the flappers, hippies, yuppies, and big eighties hair; watching it all as it came and went. His favorite popular song is likely to be something depressing when taken in the context of a vampire household. "Once Bitten Twice Shy" would work. **

**Sarah's Story: "I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner." That song's so catchy.**

**64. When someone throws a tennis ball near Jake, does he get the urge to fetch it?**

**Logical Conclusion: Jake is only partially wolf, and only when he chooses to be a wolf. (He's matured enough to not change at the drop of a hat... or clothes...) A tennis ball would only interest him if Renesmee were to hold it up and admire it. Then he'd get on all fours, chasing the ball until he dropped from exhaustion.**

**Sarah's Story: Um, yeah he'd fetch it. He IS a dog, in a way. **

**65. Why don't the Cullens have soundproofed bedrooms if they can "hear" the "nocturnal activities" of each couple – i.e. Esme and Carlisle... um, you know, enjoying each other's company?**

**Logical Conclusion: It hasn't occurred to the couples that they need soundproofed rooms. Each couple is so wrapped up in their nocturnal activities that it's unlikely they noticed the others engaging in these activities as well. **

**Sarah's Story: Edward's kindof a perv. He "plays" the piano while the rest of the Cullens get it on. An 80-something waiting to have sex? That's odd. Just what did the boy look like before he was changed? If he looked like some of the guys from my high school and only got good looking after the change, it seems to me that Bella should know which genes are going into their daughter. If he's got a recessive hooked nose, I want to hear about it. **


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I'd love to dance with Edward at our wedding...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 14)**

**66. When Bella went to Jacksonville, did Edward sneak in her room to watch her sleep?**

**Logical Conclusion: Nobody knows better how to deal with overprotective parents than Edward. He has to get past Charlie every night. However, in this case, Renee notices everything. Her correctly perception of Bella and Edward's relationship would worry Edward into deciding against his evening activities.**

**Sarah's Story: He would SO sneak into Bella's room. It wouldn't be a love story without a little danger. That's the best kind – the sneak-around-right-under-momma's-nose kind of romancin'.**

**67. Did Charlie ACTUALLY think that at 17 Bella hadn't had a "sex talk" yet?**

**Logical Conclusion: Dads can be pretty dense about these things. However, Bella's a sweet, simple girl who hasn't even been kissed until Edward comes along. At least, that's how Charlie thinks of her. Edward, that bad boy who's a newcomer to the town, will corrupt his tender, delicate daughter. He wants to get to her and tell her the facts of life before Edward shows her.**

**Sarah's Story: (*laughing*) Sex talk! (*laughing some more*) Gotta love that whole "uncomfortable dad" thing. Like he was gonna be the one who finally broke it to his daughter what boys REALLY want when they seek out a girl. Because darling little Bella didn't know anything up until that point. Poor Charlie. Poor, clueless Charlie. **

**68. How in the world did Alice know Korean sign language? (She translates the Battle Hymn of the Republic into Korean sign language in Eclipse in order to keep her mind occupied. She didn't want Edward to hear her thoughts about the newborns and Bella's missing clothes.)**

**Logical Conclusion: Alice had a little too much time on her hands before she met Jasper. **

**Sarah's Story: Um, so did I pick out an obscure Twilight detail or what? Jeez, Sarah, get a life. I defer to the Logical Conclusion on this one. **

**69. How do the volturi dole out "dinner?" **

**Logical Conclusion: Aro, Caius and Marcus would probably go first. They're the head bad-boys. Then the wives of the guard go, because frankly, if the wife ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. **

**Sarah's Story: Frankly, I'd be getting out of Jane's way first, out of Demitri's way second. No way would I get in front of either of them when they spot that tender slab o'human by the door. Then, I'd make my way toward the third choice and barrel through anyone who tried to change my mind. **

**69 ½. Are people allowed to call dibs, or does Jane just always get to go first?**

**Logical Conclusion: Marcus, Caius and Marcus should technically go first. But if Jane started giving you her "look," wouldn't YOU get out of the way?**

**Sarah's Story: Jane always goes first. She's scary.**

**70. Don't people get suspicious in Volterra when they notice huge, cool-looking buildings that are well maintained but have no visible business/home/people going in and out of them? (Vampires use the weird sewer openings.)**

**Logical Conclusion: ********People probably don't ask many questions in volterra. They're safe from vampires, thanks to St. Marcus. Who needs anything more? The buildings are pretty to look at, which brings in tourist dollars. Life's good. **

**Sarah's Story: ********Anyone who tried to figure out what's inside the buildings and went exploring would end up as lunch. No problem for the volturi there. It's win-win.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I want to drink warm cola in Jake's garage...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 15)**

**71. What happened to Esme's husband after she jumped off a cliff? Did she just leave him for Carlisle?**

**Logical Conclusion: Sadly, Esme probably left her husband to jump off the cliff because of how she felt after her baby died. He may have blamed her. Who knows? She probably was happy to ditch the guy if he made her feel sad and alone enough that she felt she had no other options but suicide. **

**Sarah's Story: Carlisle's hot. He probably whipped out that English accent and told her he'd play doctor with her and that was that.**

**72. Do any of the Cullens sing? **

**Logical Conclusion: Esme tells Bella that Edward's musical, but doesn't mention anything about anyone else being musical. She also doesn't mention anything about any singers. When Bella goes to Italy, there's talk of singing, but it's only that the volturi says Bella's blood sings to Edward. If anyone could sing, those were two perfect openings to bring it up. Jake mentions later on that he can't sing. Not surprising. Werewolves probably howl at the moon, unless that's a myth, too.**

**Sarah's Story: "****_Hello, world, there's a song that we're singin', C'mon get happy..." _****Whoa. I'm WAY too old if I actually remember the Partridge Family... (For those of you who have NO idea what I'm talking about, it's a singing Brady Bunch.) Edward, Emmett and Jasper singing? Not so much. It's sexy only if you don't think about the Partridge Family first, because then you just picture them in bell bottoms. Wearing lots of fringe. Eww! Someone grab bleach and pour it in my brain!!! AGGH!******

**73. Do some vampires have freckles?**

**Logical Conclusion: They must. The actress who plays Victoria has them, and the director opted to keep them instead of covering them up. **

**Sarah's Story: I always wanted freckles. Freckles and red, curly hair like Annie's. Tomorrow... Agh. Instead I got VERY straight blonde hair and blue eyes. Hmm... Carlisle, Jasper and Rosalie all are blonde... I bet I could get adopted... Um, what? Vampires with freckles? Oh, yeah. They probably could have those. Oh, to be a Cullen...**

**74. Do vampires keep any birthmarks they might have when they transform?**

**Logical Conclusion: Since the transformation process corrects any imperfections in eyesight (none of the vampires in the Twilight world have eyeglasses) and corrects horrific and sometimes mortal injuries (Bella, case in point) then I assume birthmarks are considered flaws. They'd be changed. But guess what? The Cullens within the movie all have moles. Victoria has freckles. It's very likely that they keep their birthmarks. So – logical conclusion? They keep their birthmarks. Unless they don't. **

**Sarah's Story: Oh, logical part of the brain! I'm so proud of the wishy-washy answer! It sounds like something I'd come up with. I'm suddenly a little frightened. When did I get logical? **

**75. Do vampires wear lip gloss? **

**Logical Conclusion: They must. All the Cullens within the movie wear lip gloss. The volturi have relatively dry lips in the movie (barring Jane, of course. Like Dakota Fanning would settle for anything but kissable lips with such a lovely specimen of man on the set...) But otherwise, everyone wears lip gloss.**

**Sarah's Story: Yes, e********ven Edward wears lip gloss. Rpatz has surprisingly moist lips. As someone who has personally watched every nuance of the lovely vampire's lips through Twilight (and will re-watch and re-watch New Moon when it comes out on the 20th – 2 days – eeep!) All vampires wear lip gloss.**


	16. Chapter 16

******Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...**

******FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I'd love to have Edward hide in my closet while Charlie checks on me at night...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 16)**

**76. Do vampires ever have spitting contests?**

**Logical Conclusion: They play baseball, chess, and arm wrestle. Why not?**

**Sarah's Story: Of course! This is Emmett we're talking about. He loves fun. Spit = fun. I'm in.**

**77. Could a vampire "chew" his way out of a concrete building like a rat?**

**Logical Conclusion: Yep. They're strong. They can cut through anything, even concrete.**

**Sarah's Story: ********Definitely. Vampire teeth are the only thing that can cut through vampire skin, according to Breaking Dawn. (Although that doesn't explain how the newborns were dispatched by the werewolves... but I digress.) In any case, if you find yourself alone with a vampire in a concrete bunker, you'll be either very pleased or very scared you were stuck in there with him. Pleased if it's Edward, not so much if it's James.**

**78. What if a person has a werewolf imprint on her/him and finds the attention creepy?**

**Logical Conclusion: Most of the people who are imprinted upon like the attention. Besides, the wolf is careful to let his or her world revolve around that person. Like Jake says, that kind of dedication is hard to dislike. **

**Sarah's Story:********That would mean a restraining order. Would the imprintee find the attention that creepy? Depends if you have Seth or Leah imprint on you, and depends whether you like that sort of thing or not. But most of 'em like the attention. ************Like the girl with her eyes too close together. Yeah, I don't remember her name, but does it matter? She's just some incidental random girl who was happy she was imprinted upon. **

**78 ½. Has a werewolf ever had a restraining order put on them by an imprinted person?**

**Logical Conclusion: Probably not. That level of dedication is hard to ignore, remember? It's also hard not to be flattered. **

**Sarah's Story: Um, if someone besides Seth or Jake imprinted on me, I'd have to decide his level of attractiveness vs. his wolf musk stink. If he wears deodorant, that helps. If not, he'd better shower first before laying a paw on me. If he's not cute and claims some mystical wolfy connection between us (Bella's words, not mine) then I'd have to call Chief Swan on the case.**

**79. Do vampires ever accidentally scratch their own CD's?**

**Logical Conclusion: Probably, if they aren't careful.**

**Sarah's Story: Like vampires need CD's. They just download onto their ipods. Duh.**

**80. Do vampires like Harry Potter, or do they think it's too far-fetched?**

**Logical Conclusion: Vampires can't be the only mythical beings around, but since Edward's such a moody realist, he probably doesn't get overly mushy about the boy who lived. **

**Sarah's Story: My favorite quote comes from a tee shirt – "Good going, Voldy. Avada Kedavra just turned Cedric Diggory into a hot vampire." Love it. Dunno where I saw it, but love it. If the Cullens think it's too far fetched, I can live with that. As long as he (Jake, Emmett, Edward, whoever) takes his shirt off in order to tell me how far-fetched it is. **


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **Hey, just want to give a shout out to the ONE person in Macedonia who's checked out my fanfics 21 times. Awesome. I'm happy to amuse you! : )** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I want to hold Jake's hand at the movies...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 17)**

**81. Do werewolves believe in wizards?**

**Logical Conclusion: It's interesting to note that in Harry Potter there is little to no mention of vampires. In Twilight, there's no mention of wizards. However, both books have werewolves in them. Both kinds of "werewolf", I might add. There are men who turn into wolves who are NOT werewolves – Animagus, in Harry Potter (Sirius/big black dog) and Shapeshifters in Twilight. Then you have Edward talking to Victoria, mentioning that James tracked a werewolf at one time; and Remus Lupin is a REAL werewolf who was bitten in order to change. It's entertaining that both books have shapeshifters/werewolves of both varieties, but don't include the other MAIN non-human. (Vampires in Harry Potter and Wizards in Twilight.) I think it would be impossible to have both factions exist and be completely unaware of each other. It's one or the other, people. I don't know for sure, but it seems plausible that some werewolf would believe in their own personal Harry Potter or Ginny Weasley as a dream spouse.**

**Sarah's Story: ********If wizards eat people, werewolves not only believe in them, they'll beat 'em up. Half naked. Showing off their six-pack-rippling-stomach muscles. Did I mention New Moon comes out on DVD tomorrow?! I'm overheating just thinking about that wolf pack!**

**82. What would happen if all parts of a vampire were burned except for a hand? Would the vampire's hand find another body? (Ooh, I'm feeling another urban legend coming on...)**

**Logical Conclusion: The hand tries to find the body. It would probably roam around until it found its body. The vampire would look for the hand until they could no longer look – i.e. were burned by their "friends" the volturi.**

**Sarah's Story: Ew. Disembodied hand. I just picture it looking for that bag of ashes around Billy Black's neck. Gross.**

**83. Who actually leaked Midnight Sun? (I wanna beat 'em up...)**

**Logical Conclusion: Ok, this is gonna make me SO unpopular. From all I've read online, it sounds like Stephenie Meyer gave the first few chapters of Midnight Sun to the movie cast of Twilight. Shortly thereafter, copies were leaked. I think it was someone involved in the movie. The name Robert Pattinson keeps coming up in the stories.**

**Sarah's Story: CRINGE! No way could Rpatz leak something like that! He's WAY too hot to do something so malicious. Love you, Rob. Hugs. Kisses. (Chaste ones – I'm married, ya know.) Though if that Taylor Lautner took off his shirt... Mmmm...**

**84. Could Edward hear ********The Invisible Man's ****thoughts?**

**Logical Conclusion: Of course. Just because the guy's not visible doesn't mean Edward can't hear his thoughts.**

**Sarah's Story: Mmm... Taylor Lautner's six pack... Mmm...**

**85. What's more poisonous to a werewolf – a box jellyfish or a vampire?**

**Logical Conclusion: A box jellyfish can kill within three minutes flat, depending on the size of the person stung. A werewolf probably would take longer than your average human to bite the dust. So, for argument's sake, the length of time it takes for a person to die from a vampire bite is never established in Twilight. From the moment when James first bites Bella to the hospital scene is under ten minutes. What's my point? Well, there isn't one. I'm guessing they'd kill at about the same rate. **

**Sarah's Story: I'd take a jellyfish sting for Taylor. I'd DEFINITELY take a vampire bite for Taylor. Love ya Taylor! Love your six-pack, too. Mmmm...**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I want to dance with Edward in that beautiful gazebo...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 18) Werewolf Edition...**

**86. Will Claire find it weird that someone changed her diapers but eventually wants a physical relationship with her?**

**Logical Conclusion: Since Claire won't remember who changed her diapers, it won't really matter. She won't have to go through that annoying Parent-takes-out-photos-of-me-in-the-bathtub moment. Nor will she have to go through that "oops – I forgot to tell you about that time when I -" speech. She won't have to tell him anything. He'll already know.**

**Sarah's Story: I'd find it creepy. Super, super creepy. Pediphile, anyone? I know that werewolves don't think of their imprintees like that, but still... **

**87. Just how big DO werewolves grow to be? (I didn't mean size like THAT, ladies! Jeez, get your minds out of the gutter...) Ok, how TALL do they grow to be? ********How TALL is the biggest one?**

**Logical Conclusion: In New Moon, Jake's around 6'6" tall. When he changes, he's the size of a horse. By the end of Breaking Dawn, he's the Alpha. He's the biggest. I don't know if that makes him any taller than 6'6", but still, the boy's built.**

**Sarah's Story: ********The tallest werewolves are built like horses. All the way around. 'Nuff said. Got it, ladies?**

**88. Once werewolves go wolf all the time, do they ever die?**

**Logical Conclusion: Jake says that when he stops phasing, he'll start aging again. I assume that means either way – whether he stops phasing into a wolf, or stops phasing back into a human. Whether he lives the life span of the wolf (10 years?) or a human (75 – ish) is never discussed. If he takes on the form of a wolf and starts to age again, there's no guarantee he'd get the life span of a human. **

**Sarah's Story: Jake, don't die! You're too sexy to die! Plus, I can't see those rippling muscles under all that fur. Going wolf for good is decidedly uncool.**

**89. Is there any anti-venom for a werewolf to use if he's bitten by a vampire?**

**Logical Conclusion: I have to assume there's some concauction available in case they're bitten. Those Quilieutes, they're a resourceful bunch. Plus, they could always follow Edward's example and suck the venom out.**

**Sarah's Story: Ooh, I'd suck the venom out! (Well, except for Leah. Sorry, kid, you're outta luck...)**

**90. How sharp are werewolf teeth compared to vampire teeth?**

**Logical Conclusion: Since werewolf teeth and vampire teeth are both the only things that can rip apart vampire skin, they must be about even. However, when you consider that vampires are "made of stone," (At least that's what Jake says...) the vampire teeth are stronger.**

**Sarah's Story: The vampires win. Werewolves might be fast enough to catch vampires, but once that vampire's caught, they have to watch out...**

**90 ½. How sharp are werewolf claws compared to vampire nails?**

**Logical Conclusion: Once again, since vampires are made of stone, vampire nails are stronger than werewolf claws. However, the question is, which are sharper. The answer is, until I personally feel 'em, I wouldn't know.**

**Sarah's Story: Does it matter? You don't want either of them ripping into you.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I want to go to auto parts stores with Jake...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 19) **

**91. Do vampires ever dress up as "vampires" for Halloween? **

**Logical Conclusion: That would be one way for the Cullens to bring seriously unwanted attention on to themselves. No way would they do it. They don't hand out Halloween candy, since their house is so off-the-beaten-path. Why would they bother to dress up?**

**Sarah's Story: If I were a Cullen, I'd be too tempted to do it. So yes, yes they do dress up as vampires.**

**92. Ok, based on popular demand, I'll write it here: What happens to Edward when Bella gets her period? (I've thought about putting it down before, but had too many other questions. But I'm giving in to peer pressure. So much for after school specials...)**

**Logical Conclusion: Um. Ew. Bella's on that birth control seasonique, where she only gets her period once every three months, and times it around when he goes huntinig. Then she gets off of it when she marries Edward?... Best scenario.**

**Sarah's Story: Yeah, so I can't believe menstrual blood would be very appealing. However, blood is blood. That would mean that every Cullen salivates whenever he or she gets near a girl on her period. Decidedly unappealling. This really nixes the whole idea that Twilight as written by Stephenie Meyer is even a possibility. I'm going to assume that period blood smells repulsive, and I'll leave it at that.**

**93. Do vampires like Jon Stewart? ('Cause I do!)**

**Logical Conclusion: Everyone likes Jon Stewart.**

**Sarah's Story: And Stephen Colbert. Everyone. Don't tell me you don't, because I won't believe you. **

**94. Do vampires believe in zombies?**

**Logical Conclusion: I can believe that the idea of zombies came from vampires. If a deathly white vampire had half of his face ripped off and came toward you, wouldn't you think he was a zombie? The neck area is quite near the brain, so someone could think he'd be after your brains. **

**Sarah's Story: Yup. It's only logical. Zombies = vampires who have parts of their bodies ripped off. **

**95. When the plague of the immortal children was happening, did the little vampires ever play with matches?**

**Logical Conclusion: ********It's not very logical that vampires have matches in their posession in the first place, since there's no need for heat and no need to cook their food first. However, assuming that the vampire parent had a house and access to matches, the child would find 'em. ****They were just like regular children without the ability to grow older and learn from experience. So – yeah, they played with matches. Probably started themselves on fire, too. **

**Sarah's Story: Fire away! The little monsters did play with matches. Normal kids do it. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if the cute little devils burned a while city or two down. Ever heard of the "Great Chicago Fire?" Vampire made. Poor Mrs. O'Leary and her cow got blamed, but it was really a little immortal child.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I'd love to listen to Edward play the piano...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 20) **

**96. Do Kate, Irena and Tanya have a weird thing going on up there in Alaska? Ten guys to every single lady, yet they can't find men?**

**Logical Conclusion: It's quite possible that the three ladies don't know how to look for good men. Irena fell for Laurent – it seems to me that he's got some bad manners. He moves to Alaska with the intention of going vegetarian, yet he falls off the wagon and goes after Bella the first chance he gets. Not a winner there. Kate and Tanya have challenges, since Kate is never mentioned as having a romantic interest until Breaking Dawn, and Tanya crushes on Edward, who has no interest in a "strawberry blonde." (his loss. No, I'm a yellow-blonde – the YELLOWEST yellow blonde, with NO strawberry tint, but Edward really should adjust his taste in women's hair color... I'm just sayin'...)**

**Sarah's Story: Yes, yes they do have a weird thing going. If they can't find cute, single men in Alaska, they can't find 'em anywhere. So the Incubus/Sucubus stories were about them. They learn from their mistakes. Can't eat the boy after lovin' him up. Got it. So, they gotta find guys worth keeping. Obviously Edward is a keeper, but those Alaska gals didn't manage to snap him up before Bella came along. There are more fish in the sea. How long have they been up there? Jeez. Those gals must be REALLY unattractive. **

**97. Do vampires dislike shoes?**

**Logical Conclusion: Alice likes anything to do with fashion. Alice keeps everyone well-clothed and within reasonably current styles of the area. Therefore, even if they don't need shoes or want shoes, Alice will see to it that they have shoes and WILL wear them. And like it.**

**Sarah's Story: I don't like shoes, why should they? However, Alice has money coming at her from all directions, so who can blame her for an addiction to something she can easily afford?**

**98. Does Emmett ever play with velcro? (It just seems like something he'd enjoy...)**

**Logical Conclusion: Definitely. Velcro rocks.**

**Sarah's Story: I play with velcro. Velcro is fun. It's kind of a mystery how those little loopy thingies are so attracted to the little hook thingies... Kind of like my addiction to all things Twilight... Yay, velcro!**

**99. Do vampires have a hard time getting their hair to curl? **

**Logical Conclusion: Vampires are made of stone, but there's nothing that says their hair is made of stone. Therefore, I figure their hair is made super-strong by the transformation process. If I don't condition my hair, it breaks and gets split ends. Carlisle couldn't possibly have known to shampoo, rinse, repeat, then condition however many years ago he started out. 1500's 'till now? No way would those lovely golden locks have lasted. Let's assume his hair has become super strong. Is it wiry super strong, or nylon super strong? The world will never know... However, assuming that it's just super strong hair, if it has wave to it in the first place, then you apply heat, you could get Rosalie's perfect curling ends. **

**Sarah's Story: Or, maybe like Rosalie and Alice in the movie, all the vampires have to wear wigs because their hair had splits and broke off... That could make the fight scenes VERY interesting when Rosalie grabs for her wig to cover her bald head...**

**100. Do vampires wear dust masks when they do renovating? **

**Logical Conclusion: Why should they? There's no reason to. Vampires breathe to smell the surrounding areas. It's not like the dust from the wood bothers them. They don't have to worry about black lungs or cancer from the wood dust. Dust masks make you look dorky, which is not fashionable. Since it's not a safety issue, Alice would probably give the renovator two thumbs down if they wore the mask.**

**Sarah's Story: Edward would still be sexy in a dust mask.**

**100 ½. Do they ever have to worry about sawing their fingers off, or do they decide to do it for fun?**

**Logical Conclusion: They don't have to worry. Their reflexes are so good they couldn't saw something off if they tried. They can jump from second story windows with no worry or trouble upon landing, so sawing a finger off is pretty much impossible. They're too careful. Fun? They could saw off body parts for fun, but I imagine the blade would break before their body parts would.**

**Sarah's Story: ********Why would they worry about anything? They've got it good. Out in the woods, have 24 hours a day into endless eternity to fix, saw, paint, dust, and saw off body parts to their heart's content. That's livin' the good life, baby. ****Emmett does it for fun. He also plays that game – "Look, Jasper, Got your nose!" but in this case, he actually does. Since no harm is done, they laugh it off.**


	21. Chapter 21

******Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...********FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I'd love to have Edward listen to my heart...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 21) **

**101. Do vampires have staring contests?**

**Logical Conclusion: Since vampire eyes don't have tears the way ours do (they're unable to cry) it seems that staring would just be stupid. There's nothing to keep them from looking at each other forever. Well, starvation/thirst and boredom. **

**Sarah's Story: Not with humans, because that would just be stupid. With each other, well, it's a way to pass the time when you're not out deer hunting or working on yet another school term paper. About the Civil War. Which Jasper fought in. Since you've read his thoughts a million times and already know everything there is to know about it (you also remember everything you read. Super-vampire brain cells, ya know...) it's kind of redundant. Staring is way down on a vampire's to-do list, but hey, since neither of your eyes can dry out when you stare, more power to ya.**

**102. When Edward climbs stairs with Bella in the movie, he climbs the stairs one at a time. Do vampires bother with climbing stairs one at a time with noone around, or do they just jump from the bottom to the next floor up?**

**Logical Conclusion: Edward and his family want to appear as normal as possible. If they started to jump up flights of stairs with nobody around, they might accidentally slip in front of the humans, and ooops, that's the end of living a double life.**

**Sarah's Story: If I could jump the stairs, there would be nothing and nobody to prevent me from doing it all the time. Stairs are so unimportant. No reason to waste part of the eternity which is vampire life on a trivial thing like climing stairs.**

**103. Did Rosalie return the wedding dress she'd stolen after she used it to kill her rapists?**

**Logical Conclusion: She never mentioned it, so I doubt she returned it. She said she stole it. If she would have returned it, she'd have said "borrowed" instead of stole. I imagine that dress went in the casket with Royce when he was buried. Just for fun. Rosalie's final word on the subject. She'd have slipped it in as an eternal reminder of what she'd gone through.**

**Sarah's Story: Rosalie is very conscious of obeying laws. She'd return the dress. (This is a complete lie. I just think it's better to answer this way because of question 103 ½.**

**103 ½. Did someone ever wear that wedding dress for a wedding ceremony?**

**Logical Conclusion: No way. Rosalie wouldn't want someone's wedding tainted by the dress being used. Who cares if they didn't know what happened while Rosalie wore the dress? She wouldn't want some happy bride's life tainted with Royce's sleeze.**

**Sarah's Story: Yup. Someone wore it. Passed from mother to daughter, it's the one Lorena Bobbitt wore. She was sure it would bring her luck. Rosalie's influence stuck to the dress, though. Too bad when she found her cheatin' husband. She had to dispose of his manly parts out her car window after she hacked 'em off... But she was SO beautiful in that wedding dress, right?**

**104. When Edward saves Bella in Port Angeles, why didn't he have Bella report the men to the authorities, or at least tell Charlie about the incident?**

**Logical Conclusion: Any type of police involvement brings questions. The Cullens don't like questions. Questions lead to running from the law. It doesn't look good when the Chief's daughter almost gets abducted or attacked in another small nearby town. Edward had to hope she'd ignore the attack and let him handle it. By that time, she already guessed he was a vampire. She says so in the car on the drive home, and says it didn't matter to her. In any case. she didn't ask for that, he didn't offer it. She probably worried Charlie would wrap her in bubble wrap and never let her out of his sight again. To a teenager, that's a fate worse than death. So the attack goes unreported. Naughty, naughty Bella.**

**Sarah's Story: Have you read the "Midnight Sun" excerpt? It explains fully why Edward didn't tell Charlie. He and Carlisle took care of the bad guy. Edward rocks.**

**105. How does Charlie get Billy Black up the stairs when he's in a wheelchair in the Twilight movie? Do they carry him and the chair separately, or is Charlie just super strong?**

**Logical Conclusion: Charlie's strong. Either that or they have a wheelchair ramp going up the back of the house.**

**Sarah's Story: Charlie lifts Billy. They're good friends. Billy doesn't mind. They gut fish together, catch fish together, and generally have a good time. Billy's not worried that Charlie will find it weird. The wheelchair does that for him. It has an amazing ability to make eyes slide right over you whenever you go someplace. (I know all about this – the husband's blind. Eyes spot his cane, and suddenly it's like he's not there. Amazing. We whip out that cane when we go through the airport, though, and it's like we're royalty. Love that part. We get through security like nobody's business. He doesn't like to use it because of the natural people-repellant it seems to have, but in certain places, it's useful.) Billy probably gets that all the time. Charlie knows how to alleviate the awkwardness between them – offer to fight. Dance away and pretend to punch him. Let that part of the scene be more interesting than Jake and Bella talking. Oh well. Billy Burke who plays Charlie, I'm afraid to say, is slightly hot. Does this make me old? How is it that the dad, wolfpack. and the vampire males, who are all varying ages, are all hot? I'm SO old. **


	22. Chapter 22

******Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...********If you like my questions, you might enjoy the answers I come up with. Check out Twilight Revealed! Stupid Questions Answered.********FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I want to help Angela mail out her graduation notices...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 22) **

**106. Does the UPS driver who delivers the packages to the Cullen house ever get suspicious?**

**Logical Conclusion: Nobody who goes near the Cullen house questions them about anything. Not if they want to feel safe. Jasper's really good at getting people to ask as few questions as possible. Just ask his attorney, Jay Jenks, if you don't believe me. Just hearing the last name Cullen makes him sweat.**

**Sarah's Story: Rosalie just has to smile at the UPS guy and his knees go weak. The only question he'd ask is for Rosalie's phone number. He'd change his mind once he got a load of Emmett, though. Unless, of course, it was a female driver...**

**107. Since vampires see so well in the dark, do they use the lights in their house at night?**

**Logical Conclusion: It's not like they have to worry about the cost of electricity or anything, so they'd use lights to seem as normal as possible.**

**Sarah's Story: Playing tag in the dark wouldn't be a challenge in the Cullen household. Of course, their nocturnal activities usually cause them to be paired off, and lights aren't needed for that, so I'd have to say the lights stay off. Except in Rosalie and Emmett's room. She's vain enough she'd want him to see – well, everything in the room. Clearly.**

**108. Why does the deer in the opening sequence of the Twilight movie look moth-eaten?**

**Logical Conclusion: The area around its neck suggests a dog collar. It's probably old, too. Maybe it was shedding season? My horses never look like that, though, so who knows. You'd think the deer's handlers would make it look more attractive than that. It is, after all, supposed to be Edward's dinner.**

**Sarah's Story: I don't actually see many deer close up. Maybe they're all like that. Bambi was just the idealized version of what a deer looks like.**

**109. Why aren't there deleted scenes in the "extras" area of the New Moon DVD?**

**Logical Conclusion: It was a male director. He doesn't care about people fawning over Edward and Jacob. He figured we got a great movie out of the deal, and that's good enough.**

**Sarah's Story: There's going to be a three disk movie version that comes out eventually. Everyone will spend big money on the two disk, but want those deleted scenes enough to buy the three-disk special edition. Smart people. I'm stupid enough that I'll buy the three disk version just to get those deleted scenes. Oh, so very hungry for the precious extra moments of those lovely men on my TV screen...**

**110. Do the Cullens use snow chains on their cars in winter? (Edward boasts he's never been in an accident – does he use his senses, or does he use snow chains?)**

**Logical Conclusion: The Cullens don't need to worry about their cars in winter. It's not like they lose control. Ever. In anything.**

**Sarah's Story: Edward's so hot, his body heat melts the ice under the car. Also, Alice can see ahead whether or not they're in danger of an accident. No worries. He's covered.**


	23. Chapter 23

******Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...********FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I want to play fetch with Jake...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 22) New Moon the Movie Edition **

**111. When did Carlisle cut his hair? It's long in the painting of him with the volturi.**

**Logical Conclusion: Carlisle cut his hair when long hair for men grew less fashionable. He didn't want to look like biker-doctor, so he cut it to fit in with the times.**

**Sarah's Story: Carlisle didn't cut his hair. Alice took one look at his way-too-bleached locks and she knew they had to go. He never had a choice. She came up behind him, snipped, and it was gone. **

**112. When Jake and Paul fight, where do Jake's clothes come from? It looks like he's wearing the exact same clothes he had before he transformed.**

**Logical Conclusion: (P.G. version...) Jake's clothes magically phase with him. (P.G. 13 version) the guys are naked enough that they just carry extra clothes around. (M version) Jake streaked nekked back to his house and picked up extra clothes.**

**Sarah's Story: Oh, dear. I honestly am not positive they're the same clothes. Too bad. I'm going to have to re-watch the movie to see for sure if it's the same clothing. I'll take one for the team.**

**113. Where did Victoria's "Kiss me I'm Irish" shirt go?**

**Logical Conclusion: Victoria is a scavenger, taking what she likes from victims and wearing it until she finds something better. She wants to be the one doing the "kissing" however, so she scrapped the shirt.**

**Sarah's Story: Victoria's gorgeous. I always wanted red, curly hair like Annie. I'd be happy to have red hair, wear a victim's shirt, and suck the blood out of deer if it meant an eternity with Edward...**

**114. Why did they cut the bet whether Bella was going to be sick or not after she saw Jake fight Paul? (My FAVORITE line is "I bet she's tougher than that. She runs with vampires." I even have the shirt. Ordered it online. I wear it to horse shows when formal clothes aren't required, because it's a good luck shirt...) They shortened my line.**

**Logical Conclusion: Editing of a movie sucks. Lots of stuff doesn't end up in the movie. They couldn't have known it was my favorite line and that I'd watch the movie three billion or so times in order to satisfy my New Moon movie craving...**

**Sarah's Story: The husband's getting tired of me quoting actors. I quoted the book first, now I'm quoting the actors. I need a life.**

**115. Why didn't Stephenie Meyer try for another cameo? **

**Logical Conclusion: She's super shy, according to interviewers. Reclusive. Hermit-like in order to give her kids and husband privacy from the media. Can't blame her. The more people see her face, the more she'll be stopped in the grocery store for autographs. People would ring her doorbell. She'd have no peace at all.**

******Sarah's Story: Stephenie Meyer? Yeah, I'm talkin' to you. Get your tushie in the next movie. We loved seeing you for the split second you were on the screen. We wondered what was on your laptop. Have stopped the DVD player to see if it displayed any of "Midnight Sun," or perhaps the sequel to "The Host." Love them both. Write. Oh- what was I writing about again? Um... Cameo. Right. So she should suck it up and be in every movie. That guy reading the paper near the school? Why does he have curves? Oh, yeah, it's Stephenie! That moving bush? Yup! you guessed it! The random teacher in the hallway of Forks High? That's her, too! She's multi-tasking. Amazing.**


	24. Chapter 24

******Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...********FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I want to have Jake tell me scary stories on the beach...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 24) **

**116. Does Nikki Reed eat something sour each time before she starts a scene on to the set of New Moon?**

**Logical Conclusion: She's just really, really in touch with Rosalie's hostility toward Bella. Also, she wants to show Rosalie's complete 180 with Bella by the time they reach Breaking Dawn.**

**Sarah's Story: That girl has to eat something sour. Constantly. She does such a great impression of the hall moniter from my Elementary school – it's frightening. I feel like Bella's going to be given detention at any moment.**

**117. Would vampire skin absorb radioactivity if they went to Chernobyl? (Way random! But I'm a pro at random...)**

**Logical Conclusion: Since you literally have to eat something there in order to absorb radioactivity, the only way they're going to absorb radioactivity is to kill and drink an animal's blood. Because obviously the animal would have absorbed radioactivity from eating the foliage. However, since it's unlikely that a vampire would come to Chernobyl thirsty, it wouldn't happen. **

**Sarah's Story: Totally off the whole question thing here, but I want to visit Chernobyl someday. I was a history major in college, and the place is fascinating. Call me crazy. Ever been to Ellis Island? Alcatraz? The Alamo? Well, it's along the same lines. Except with graver consequences.**

**118. What would happen if you gave a werewolf alcohol?**

**Logical Conclusion: The same thing that happens if you give normal people alcohol. They do stupid things. Probably also helps to create lots of little werewolves along the way – Most of the people I know who had kids early did so with a little help from a bottle... Nothin' wrong with it, I'm just lucky to not have rugrats running around because of a little fermented grain. **

**Sarah's Story: They'd party like it's 1999. **

**119. How badly was Emily hurt when Sam accidentally attacked her? Did she suffer internal injuries or just the slices to her face?**

**Logical Conclusion: Most likely, Emily suffered a great deal when Sam attacked her. A huge predator the size of a horse? Well, I work with horses, and horses can hurt people. Horses with claws and enormous canines? Terrifying. Yeah, I don't work with that kind. Thank goodness. Scaaa-ry. I prefer my boys in human form. The werewolf thing is only good when you're not the subject of its anger.**

**Sarah's Story: We like Emily. Emily feeds the sexy boys muffins. Let's just say Emily got slashed by a bear and leave it at that. No need to involve poor Sam in all that.**

**120. Do werewolves like to bungee jump?**

**Logical Conclusion: Werewolves like to cliff dive. Bungee jumping is nothing to them. They'd have to pay money for action like that. Cliff diving's free.**

**Sarah's Story: Only if someone else's paying, and only if it's higher than the cliff they dive off from in La Push. Oh, and it helps if the salesgirl is wearing a tight tank top.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **Remember, I've answered my own crazy questions in another story form. "Twilight Revealed! Stupid Questions Answered" has me logically and illogically answering all of the crazy questions my mind comes up with.** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I really, really love the idea of wearing Edward's mother's wedding ring...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 25) **

**121. Why didn't Alice "see" Bella getting hit by Tyler Crowley's van in Twilight?**

**Logical Conclusion: Even though she's highly attuned to her family, she didn't see Bella because Edward only was involved in the accident for a split second.********She didn't see it because it didn't involve Jasper. He couldn't smell the blood coming from Tyler's wounds, and since it didn't involve vampire-on-people attack, it was of little consequence. She can't possibly see everythign all the time.**

**Sarah's Story: The above is a really lame excuse. She was too busy focusing on the unfortunate wardrobe choices that Bella constantly wore during the first part of the Twilight movie. Did you get a load of that huge coat she always wore? Ugh. SO not in style. It looked like she went back in time to the '80's, found the UGLIEST coat Charlie owned, then traipsed back into the movie and wore it to torture Alice.**

**122. What's Bella's favorite book? **

**Logical Conclusion: Bella's favorite book would be one of those she mentions throughout the Twilight series. Below are my rationalizations for each book mentioned.**

**Romeo and Juliet – no way. Too close to New Moon. The reunion between Bella and her Romeo might be better than Shakespeare's, but it's still out. **

**Anne of Green Gables – Everyone loves this book. It's cutesy, meaningful, and decidedly warm-and-fuzzy for the most part. Bella's deeper than that. **

**Wuthering Heights – The Edward-esque Heathcliff leaves, and Cathy marries the other guy. When Heathcliff comes back, they try to reunite. Cathy dies. Oops. (Yeah, so I simplified. Oversimplified. Didn't much care for the story in 9th grade, so kinda skimmed through it...) Not a pleasant story, but it certainly tells Bella what would've happened if she'd gone off with Jake, right?**

**Mansfield Park – Never read it. Can't tell ya if it's great or lame. Sorry. Bella likes it, though, even if she gets annoyed by the character's name...**

**Pride and Prejudice – Love the book. The gal gets her man. That's the way it should be. And, he should admit he's not perfect. (Well, I think all men should do that. And have rippling biceps. And a six-pack stomach...)**

**Overall, I have to think that Bella's favorite is Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream." Why? Because it's the happiest happy ending, and the book that Breaking Dawn was based on. There's a little confusion but everyone ends up with the right spouse for them at the end. All is well. And Puck, well, Alice would be a REALLY great Puck in a Forks HS theatre production of AMND, right? Gotta love Puck. **

**Sarah's Story: I had two books, equally compelling. The first book? It's called "I Want To Go Home" by Gordon Korman. Laugh my arse off every time I read the thing. I went to camp and love reading about two guys (who seem ambiguously gay, but what do I know?) who keep trying to escape from summer camp. Light. Funny. Not a whole lotta brain power needed to read it. I love that about my favorite book... The other book, though, I'm positive is Bella's favorite. Yes, Bella's favorite book is Hamlet. How can I be so sure? Because at the prom, she wished that the vampires would just take all the villagers out. Kinda like how 99% of the people present died at the end of Hamlet. Prom, Hamlet, so similar...**

**123. What's Edward's favorite song?**

**Logical Conclusion: Since Edward is so deep and moody, it's got to be something dark. That's just the way he rolls. It's probably ****_The Sound of Silence_**** by Simon & Garfunkel, since he never gets to just relax. Everyone's thoughts roll around in his head like giant drums beating relentlessly.**

**Sarah's Story: I'm a huge Jimmy Buffet fan. Edward naturally likes Jimmy, because, c'mon, who doesn't? (Don't answer that.) In any case, Edward likes to relax to a little Jimmy when he chills out. His favorite song, then, would have to be ****_Cheeseburger in Paradise_****. How do I know? Easy. If the boy were human, he could change his eating habits. If he were human, his girl could stay human too. Then they could have paradise and eat cheeseburgers there. Plus, he wouldn't need the sound of silence. As a human, Edward wouldn't hear the thoughts others think.**

**124. Do werewolves ever have the inclination to chase their own tails?**

**Logical Conclusion: Yup. It's cute. The werewolves are cute, so they do stuff like chasing their own tails. There is not a single flaw in the above reasoning. Unless there is a flaw in the above reasoning. **

**Sarah's Story: When Leah told Sam she was mad at him for chasing tail, that wasn't quite what she meant. **

**125. What would happen if a Quilieute, in wolf form, mated with a real female wolf?**

**Logical Conclusion: Ummm... Oh, is that the telephone? I better get that...**

**Sarah's Story: (shakes finger at logical Sarah – oh wait, there's no such thing...) "Coward!" Yeah, so that's a really, really uncomfortable situation. Especially if that werewolf has imprinted on a human. "Um, honey, yeah, so there's something I've been meaning to tell you..." Not such a good thing. I don't imagine the female wolf would go for a huge wolf the size of a horse. She'd freak out and run away. It would be impossible for the huge wolf to convince a normal size wolf to come anywhere near him. Problem solved. (Logical Sarah returns) "Hey, did I miss anything? Oh, what? My turn's over? Aw, too bad... Glad you could handle the answer on that one. I owe ya."**


	26. Chapter 26

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I really want to eat a vampire-made cinnamon roll... Ahh, being gluten-free SUCKS!)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 26) **

**126. What's harder – a diamond, or vampire skin?**

**Logical Conclusion: After seeing Edward's gorgeous face shatter/break/re-form in the tower after fighting the volturi, I'm sure that they're both hard, but they're both prone to fracturing. The difference is, when Edward's face shatters/breaks/re-forms, yes, ladies, it does re-form into a gorgeous vampire. When a diamond breaks, it's not gonna magically glue itself back together. Diamonds are hard, vampire skin is hard, but only one survives a fracture. **

**Sarah's Story: Diamonds are a girl's best friend, but they don't smell as good as Edward. (Uses sultry voice...) They're both really hard, and... Ooh, Ok, leaving the answer at that. We won't get dirty, my dears. My mind might be in the gutter, but there's no need to sully yours. **

**127. I really like to make my house smell nice using candles and air fresheners. Do vampires have blood scented air fresheners?**

**Logical Conclusion: ********Bella would have noticed the first time she came into the Cullen household if they used blood-scented air fresheners. She knows that blood smells like rust and salt. The scent makes her sick. There's no blood in the Cullen household until she cuts her finger during the disasterous New Moon birthday party. (Sob. Edward left after that... Sob...) ****Blood might smell good to vampires, but as shown during Bella's graduation party, the scents used were NOT that of blood. **

**Sarah's Story: ********No, vampires do not use blood-scented air fresheners. That would leave Jasper sucking on the wall unit – "plug it in, plug it in..."**

**128. How frequently do vampires shower? **

**Logical Conclusion: Well, since vampires smell good to humans no matter what, and since vampires obviously don't sweat and don't secrete grease out of their pores, they'd have no reason to shower until after they hunt or get dirty. **

**Sarah's Story: I'll happily volunteer to help bathe any of the male Cullens. Bubbles? No problem. Gotcha covered. **

**129. Does Esme yell at the other Cullens if they bring in mud on their shoes? (She does have light colored carpet, after all...)**

**Logical Conclusion: Esme doesn't yell. I can't imagine the poor dear yelling. She doesn't get upset over much. She's such a mommy. She wants her babies happy, no matter what. A little mud doesn't bother her in the least.**

**Sarah's Story: Of course, I have a different perspective on the whole carpet idea. I'm not the Cullen's mom, thank goodness. I love the dear boys as any admiring gal would. Now, as for me, personally, I have cream-colored carpeting. I wouldn't yell at Edward even if he decided to bring his dead deer carcasses into the living room and chow down during Jeopardy. Who cares? It's Edward. I'd visually feast on his biceps while he enjoyed dinner. **

**130. How do other vampires know not to go on Quilieute land? Quilieutes haven't had werewolves since the first time the Cullens came around, so how did vampires know to stay away?**

**Logical Conclusion: Werewolves smell bad. Vampires don't like bad smells. They'd stay away based on smell alone. Have you ever smelled a dead skunk? You aren't exactly likely to go over to it and investigate where it is and how it got there. You move on and hope someone else deals with it before you have to go through there again. **

**Sarah's Story: Ever seen a dog on the corner markin' his territory on the fire hydrant? Yeah. Those Quilieutes probably have a similar way of ensuring the vampires know not to come around...**


	27. Chapter 27

**Sorry to all of you guys who get this from your Author Alert or Story Alert. I'm editing, thanks to a sharp eye from ****mojogirl2003. ****She spotted that I wrote Quill instead of Embry for question 132. Ooops. My bad.** **Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **Remember, I've answered my own crazy questions in another story form. "Twilight Revealed! Stupid Questions Answered" has me logically and illogically answering all of the crazy questions my mind comes up with.** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I really want to look at tide pools with Jake...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 27) **

**131. Do vampires ever publish their memoirs under pen names?**

**Logical Conclusion: Any vampire who wants to keep his or her identity secret would never chance it.**

**Sarah's Story: Ooh, Stephenie Meyer knows a LOT about vampires and werewolves. Has anyone seen her in bright sunlight? Does she sparkle? OR --- Maybe we should be trying to make her mad to see if she phases. Cool! A new challenge!**

**132. Who's Embry's father?**

**Logical Conclusion: Nobody knows. I wish I could reason it out, but without DNA testing, it's kinda difficult. And unless they use Carlisle to test the blood, it's unlikely they'd do it. Remember, they're a little different than normal humans. Their blood might make normal doctors suspicious.**

**Sarah's Story:********I'd like to think it's Sam's dad. Isn't it easier than picturing Jake's dad as a playboy? Eww...**

**133. Do the Cullens have library cards? (You never really hear about them reading, except for school...)**

**Logical Conclusion: If the Cullens want books, they'd just buy them. They're fabulously wealthy. Alice probably has stock in Borders Books or Barnes and Noble. **

**Sarah's Story: I like to think that the Cullens sneak into the library "Mission Impossible" style. Wouldn't it be fun to imagine Alice descending a rope, then whispering into a bluetooth "What do you want to read, Emmett?" then snickering at her own joke. **

**134. What happens to a vampire when he's shot? Does the bullet bounce off the stone, or does it shatter the skin as it penetrates through? (I wouldn't have this question, except that after seeing the volturi scene and having Edward's face crack... Well, I wonder...)**

**Logical Conclusion: I picture it both ways. New Moon, with the cracking Edward face, totally changed my "vampires are equal to Superman" ideal. Now I think of them as hard, diamond-like people. They can chip and break, but if they do, they fuse back together on their own. So in response to the question, the bullet goes right through them but the skin re-fuses together.**

**Sarah's Story: Edward Cullen sat on a wall/Edward Cullen had a great fall/All the kings horses and all the king's men/couldn't put Edward together again. (Because he'd already done it himself.)**

**135. Where to vampires vacation?**

**Logical Conclusion: Apparently vampires like warm, tropical locations. (i.e. Esme's Island.) However, those Alaskan vampires might enjoy going to Antarctica to play with penguins. **

**Sarah's Story: Where do vampires vacation? Anywhere they want! What do they eat on vacation? Anyone they want! Mmm, the taste of Hawaiian poolboys or female lifeguards from Florida...**


	28. Chapter 28

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I really want to have a standoff with the volturi and win...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 28) **

**136. Why don't Alice and Rosalie pretend, on sunny days, that they just have sparkly Bath and Body Works lotion on?**

**Logical Conclusion: While Bath and Body Works lotion is sparkly, it's just not THAT sparkly. **

**Sarah's Story: If you lived on the rainiest area in the continental US, wouldn't YOU rather skip school and have an excuse? **

**137. Does Alice ever play the lottery – and donate the winning ticket to charity - for fun?**

**Logical Conclusion: Alice is a nice person. Perhaps she's done it. We'll never know. It's possible she already has. If she won the lottery and gave the ticket away, she wouldn't be responsible for the taxes associated with the ticket, so no harm done.**

**Sarah's Story: I could use some charity of that nature right about now. Oh Aaaaliiiiice... **

**138. Are there any obsessive compulsive vampires who sterilize a human neck before they feed?**

**Logical Conclusion: When a human becomes a vampire they are completely corrected of all human flaws. Obsessive compulsive behavior is unlikely to exist among vampires. Even if it did, well, it's really unlikely that the vampire would enjoy the taste of rubbing alcohol on their victim's neck.**

**Sarah's Story: It sure would be a funny youtube video!**

**139. Do vampires like polka music? **

**Logical Conclusion: Maybe some do, but they'd have to be from a less than modern generation.**

**Sarah's Story: I'd still love Edward if he liked polka music. I just wouldn't allow him to play the accordian while I'm in the same state. It's a good thing that if I were a vampire I could run really fast.**

**140. Do vampires play pranks on each other?**

**Logical Conclusion: Yes. When you live forever, what do you live for? Emmett could be the Ashton Kutcher of the vampire world...**

**Sarah's Story: YES! Ashton Kutcher v. Emmett Cullen. That would be one VERY awesome episode of Punk'd. Especially if the vampires and humans had to try and punk each other.**


	29. Chapter 29

******Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...**

******Remember, I've answered my own crazy questions in another story form. "Twilight Revealed! Stupid Questions Answered" has me logically and illogically answering all of the crazy questions my mind comes up with.**

******FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I really want my own radar-detector husband for those times when I'm running late...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 29) **

**141. Do vampires ever wear pajamas even though they don't sleep?**

**Logical Conclusion: It's possible to wear pajamas even when you aren't sleeping. Visit any 8am college lecture hall and you'll see just how many people don't need an excuse to wear p.j.'s to class.**

**Sarah's Story: Everyone wears pajamas when they want to relax. I bet even Carlisle has stethascope pajamas layin' around somewhere...**

**142. Does Alice ever burn snuggies because she thinks they're anti-fashion?**

**Logical Conclusion: Definitely. Blankets with sleeves... Sick and wrong. That's what a robe is for. **

**Sarah's Story: I'll be there cheering Alice on. "Death to snuggies!" (respectfully, of course. I was given a Michigan State University themed snuggie for Christmas, and I can't bear to open the box. Everyone knows how I feel about them, yet I was given one. Ugh... Well, if Michigan State University gets any more notoriety from the basketball games, I could probably sell it and make a tidy profit...)**

**142 ½. Does Alice hate crocs shoes? (again, anti-fashion...)**

**Logical Conclusion: Yup. If it's not Manolo, it's not worth owning.**

**Sarah's Story: "Death to Crocs!" (Yeah, I know. All you out there in your snuggies and crocs hate me right about now. Just know that I wear breeches and tall boots to work nearly every day. Those would not be considered fashionable either, according to Alice. I can pretty much guarantee that she'd tsk tsk me all the way to the mall...)**

**143. Do vampires know where various religious items have disappeared to? (i.e. - arc of the covenant, etc.)**

**Logical Conclusion: They have some of the royal jewels which had mysteriously vanished. Why not? They probably enjoy yet another secret we're not privvy to.**

**Sarah's Story: *snicker* 'privvy.' I went potty in one of those once.**

**144. Do werewolves get fleas?**

**Logical Conclusion: People can get fleas. Dogs get fleas. Why would people who turn into dogs be any different?**

**Sarah's Story: My husband and I hosted two foreign exchange students. One of them brought fleas from her country. Ew. Maybe there should be a flea passport system... Other than the fleas, she was a very pleasant girl. Blocked up the toilet, but still pleasant. **

**144 ½. Do werewolves need to take flea baths and take heartworm medications like regular dogs?**

**Logical Conclusion: Ok, that's going a little too far. 'Nuff said.**

**Sarah's Story: "Oh, Jakey boy. Time for your flea dip. Don't worry, sit back in that tub and let Sarah help you out there..."**

**145. Do vampires ever get ticklish? (Edward can feel Bella's touch, so why not?)**

**Logical Conclusion: Probably not. Stones don't giggle, last time I knew. Living stones probably don't have that ability.**

**Sarah's Story: "'Stones don't giggle?' What kind of reasoning is that?"**

**Logical Conclusion: "Shut up, Sarah."**

**Sarah's Story: In order to put this matter to rest, I challenge Edward Cullen to come forward. I will be happy to tickle him to show the world it's impossible to have a ticklish vampire.**

**Logical Conclusion: Good luck with that.**


	30. Chapter 30

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I really want to see hot, half-naked Quilieutes cliff dive...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 30) **

**146. Even though the Cullens don't sleep, do they need to set alarms for themselves to remember to go to school?**

Logical Conclusion: Edward always seems to be aware of everything around him. However, if you watch him play piano in the Twilight movie, he seems to be concentrating so deeply on what he's doing that time could easily pass him by. Then again, if you paid attention during Breaking Dawn, you'd remember that Bella described her mind as able to focus on many different things at once. It's possible that one or more of the Cullens would forget the time and need a reminder to get ready for school. However, it's impossible that all seven Cullens would lose track of time.

**Sarah's Story: If I didn't have an alarm clock, I'd probably sleep through ¾ of my life. If I were married to a hot vampire, I wouldn't worry about leaving home at all...**

**147. Does Carlisle ever want to go any other hair color besides blonde?**

Logical Conclusion: It's quite possible that vampire hair can't be dyed. The strands probably changed along with the rest of the human, and they're probably super strong and nearly impenetrable.

**Sarah's Story: Blondes have more fun. However, if you think about vampire hair as changeable, I'd love to see Carlisle go blue. Though I've never messed with my light blonde hair, I imagine it would take dye VERY well...**

**148. Do werewolves surf? (They didn't in the Twilight movie, and it's never mentioned as a way to achieve Bella's adrenaline rush...)**

Logical Conclusion: The Quilieutes have first beach to use any time they want. It's leach-free (snicker) and very surf-able. (Though I was confused – when I saw the documentary about Forks after Twilight, one lady said that for 20 miles in either direction the rocks prevented cliff diving... Oh, sad, sad reality...) If they have to worry about rocks when diving, that's a super adrenaline rush. Not a safe one, mind you, but werewolves heal fast. Surfing wouldn't be as exciting as almost being shark-bait.

**Sarah's Story: I once saw a TV show with a dog on a skateboard. I also saw a parade on TV which had a weird float. Dogs were riding boards down a snow-painted hill. Can werewolves surf? Oh, yeah. Do they need to in order to get an adrenaline rush? No. Just punch Paul (pre-imprinting) and you'll get all the adrenaline you'll need.**

**149. Does Jake have extra spiderman-like abilities when he climbs the wall to Bella's house?**

Logical Conclusion: He has super strenth, the ability to heal, and the metabolism of a three-year-old boy. He doesn't need spidey senses, too.

**Sarah's Story: Taylor Lautner is SO much hotter than Toby Maguire. Hands down.**

**150. When the volturi isn't busy bringing people in as a snack, killing bad vampires, and plotting to take over the world, what do they actually do?**

Logical Conclusion: The volturi are bo-ring. When they aren't terrorizing bad vampires they're pretty much stuck throwing cards in a hat.

**Sarah's Story: Aro has the desire to be the next Fred Astaire. He is taking tap and voice lessons, and has threatened execution to anyone who says he dances like a mad cow. His voice sounds like fingernails on a chalk board, though he claims he's a tenor. Marcus and Caius are forming a do-wop group called the blood-red hearts of Volterra. They declined Aro's fervent request to join, but are still looking for members. Jane and Alec have a scrabble obsession. They play nice except when one cheats. Then people run for cover. Jane has no problem smiting people and Alec takes away your senses if he thinks you helped Jane in any way.**

**150 ½. Does the volturi know how to play poker?**

Logical Conclusion: The volturi don't care about trite human things like card games.

**Sarah's Story: Considering the amount of time they spend doing practically nothing, they definitely have strip-poker tournaments. I wonder what's under those bulky robes...**

**150 2/3. What does the volturi play for as colatteral -- money, people/food, or who gets to snap the neck of the next "bad" vampire?**

Logical Conclusion: The volturi play for pride. Bragging rights. Who needs money? Their food is free.

**Sarah's Story: Jane and Alec put up a chance to hurt whoever the winner choses. The volturi are old enough to have developed tastes for the various humans Heidi brings in. Most likely they do what any normal person does – they have an all-you-can-eat [drink] buffet. They probably don't really fight over that anymore. If anything, the various gifts or baubles the volturi bet are priceless to anyone outside the vampire community at Volterra. However, to them, it's pocket change. Snapping necks might seem interesting to someone who's sadistic and has never done it before, but to the volturi, it's doubtful they even care after so long. There's no fun in it. Therefore, after an especially long explanation, I believe they play for pride. Or favors. Or fun. (Gasp! Fun? No way!)**


	31. Chapter 31

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I'd like to cruise around with Jake in MY truck...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 31) **

**151. Where does Heidi get her "fresh blood" from?**

**Logical Conclusion: Pretty girl says "Follow me." Ladies in group roll eyes. Men in group salivate and follow. Women follow their men. Tuh-dah! Lunch.**

**Sarah's Story: Heidi probably imports everyone using one of those timeshare condo deals. "Come tour our place for a day, and you'll get an all-expense paid overnight vacation! Yay!"**

**152. Do the Cullens ever get curious and dare each other to eat real food?**

**Logical Conclusion: When you live forever, it's likely you come up with very creative truth-or-dare ideas. Of course they eat real food on a dare.**

**Sarah's Story: The crappy part is having to choke it up afterward. According to Stephenie Meyer's website, that's what has to eventually happen. Ugh. **

**153. Does Alice get bored watching the news?**

**Logical Conclusion: ********Alice gets bored when people tell her stuff she already knows. She's just too nice to say anything.**

**Sarah's Story: Please, Alice? Just this once, what are the winning lottery numbers? I could use a cool million or ten. Puhleeeze?**

**154. Has Emmett ever thought about playing football?**

**Logical Conclusion: Constantly. He'd have a really hard time during random blood tests, though, if they used someone besides Dr. Cullen. Yearly physicals in order to qualify for the team? Not a problem when your ********"****dad" is a doctor. However, if he tackled someone, the bodies in the pile up might not be alive...**

**Sarah's Story: Ever wonder how some guy caught an impossible ball, or missed a really easy throw? Yep. Emmett messed with the game. He's so fast, you JUST missed him.**

**155. How long did Alice have to wait for Jasper to come find her?**

**Logical Conclusion: Nobody knows.**

**Sarah's Story: It must have felt like forever. When you can daydream about your own special someone and he's THAT hot, it must feel like you've waited an eternity for him to come along.**


	32. Chapter 32

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I want to have Edward follow me to keep me safe...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 32) **

**156. Does Bella ever miss human food, even though it doesn't smell good anymore? **

**Logical Conclusion: If it doesn't smell good anymore, it isn't appetizing. Smell and taste are linked. Bella's not an idiot. She's got other vampires to talk her out of eating stupid stuff. (Except for Emmett. He'd probably cheer her on just for fun...) **

**Sarah's Story: ********I miss pizza. It sucks to be dairy AND gluten AND corn free (Among numerous other things...) I swear, I'm allergic to AIR. The smell of pizza makes me want to cry. I miss it. Even though I know it will make me need an epi-pen, I still want it. Doesn't mean I'll eat it, though... Bella knows better. She doesn't look forward to choking it up later. **

**157. Why didn't Alice try to throw Bella a Cullen-only post-baby baby shower? (Any excuse for a party, right?)**

**Logical Conclusion: Alice had a really hard time accepting Renesmee in the first place. She couldn't see Bella past Renesmee. It had to be super frustrating. It's not like she wanted to, but Alice had a chip on her shoulder when it came to Renesmee. She came to love her later, but right out of the gate, there wasn't much love.**

**Sarah's Story: ********It didn't really come up as an option while Renesmee was cracking/breaking/shattering every bone in Bella's body. Plus, the whole "headache" thing that Renesmee gives Alice is uncool.**

**158. Does Jasper always feel like an outcast?**

**Logical Conclusion: Everyone feels like an outcast at one time or another. However, being a newborn without any self-control when it comes to blood, well, it's not an easy life.**

**Sarah's Story: ********Yes. If you were covered in scars and were only part of a family because your future-seeing "wife"/lover told strangers it was what should happen, wouldn't YOU feel like an outsider?**

**159. When Jasper was with Maria, did she try to hit on him, even though he was only her "minion?"**

**Logical Conclusion: Maria was too full of her own self-importance to care a bit about Jasper. He might have been hot, but she had other things to think about. Power! (Bwahahah... Evil laugh)**

**Sarah's Story: ********Jasper's H-O-T. Of course she hit on him!**

**160. Has Carlisle ever worked shifts at two different hospitals because he's had nothing else to do?**

**Logical Conclusion: Yep. That's just the kind of guy Carlisle is. However, he'd have to do it somewhere far away from the first hospital, and he'd only be able to work in an overcast environment/place where there's very little sunlight during the day.**

**Sarah's Story: Yes, he did that. Before he had a hot-little-Esme waiting at home for him.**


	33. Chapter 33

**Hey, don't forget to check out my semi-serious story, "Jungle Escape." Wanna know my version of what happens after Breaking Dawn? Find out...** **FYI: I don't own Twilight (But I want Edward to sing me to sleep...)**

**Random Questions I'd like to ask the Twilight Characters (Part 33) **

**161. Do vampires ever hit the baseball so hard that it breaks the ball or bat?**

**Logical Conclusion: Of course. They're strong. Super, super strong. Duh. **

**Sarah's Story: (Sarah's wild imagination...) Emmett breaks a bat over Edward's head in a macho display of manliness to impress Rosalie. Rosalie, however, isn't amused. By anything. **

**162. How did Alice learn how to pitch?**

**Logical Conclusion: ********She saw, in her head, the exact stance she'd have to take in order to pitch the ball perfectly over the plate. What? Like it's hard?**

**Sarah's Story: The Cullens own the Yankees. Alice takes the pitchers aside one-by-one and they teach her how to correctly pitch. Then, she takes them out shopping. They carry her bags. She says it helps to strengthen their arms. **

**163. What would happen if the vampires and werewolves played baseball together? **

**Logical Conclusion: It depends on the day and timing. If it's before Paul imprints, it could be a teensy bit dangerous. If it's after, not so bad. The werewolves would have the speed advantage, because according to them, they can catch vampires. The vampires, however, have those awesome stop-time-reflexes. Everything is so easy. (Think of Bella jumping out of the window in Breaking Dawn...) They'd hit the ball every time. Vampires and werewolves don't tire easily, either. It might be the longest game ever.**

**Sarah's Story: ********Someone's gonna get hurt. Someone's gonna cry like a little girl. The teeth will get bared and the fur (and body parts) will fly. It's gonna be fun. Someone grab me some popcorn. **

**163 ½. Who would win?**

**Logical Conclusion: It's a toss up. It's anyone's game. **

**Sarah's Story: Who would win? ********Any female within viewing distance. Shirts vs. skins, anyone? (Besides the girls, of course...) ****Mmm. All that testesterone in a small area. **

**164. Has a vampire ever gotten mad enough to cause major damage to something involving humans? (Human posessions – i.e. rip down the supports to a bridge? Topple a building?)**

**Logical Conclusion: The volturi would take care of it before the vampire got to that point. If something was destroyed, by some fluke of their missing what was going on, the disaster would be explained away by something humans know of. Hurricane. Earthquake. Bad support beams. **

**Sarah's Story: A clever vampire could start his own deconstruction business. Dynamite? Who needs dynamite when you've got super strength?**

**165. What musical did Edward and Bella watch on Isle Esme? (I do community theatre in my spare time. I'm seriously curious. I love Singin' In The Rain... Does Edward?)**

**Logical Conclusion: I'm too stuck on Singin' in the Rain. It's my go-to happy song.**

**Sarah's Story: Avenue Q isn't old enough; neither is Jekyll and Hyde. The new Phantom of the Opera rocks, but none of these fit the time period. Singin' in the Rain it is. **

**165 ½. Was Edward humoring Bella or did he actually enjoy the musical?**

**Logical Conclusion: There are two kinds of men. Those who flirt with you and those who shop with you. All my male shopping buddies from my high school days LOVED musicals. The other kind of men could take 'em or leave 'em. Edward IS musical, but I don't know if he enjoys musicals. He probably appreciates the singing and likes the music. Who knows about the rest. **

**Sarah's Story:********If Edward enjoyed the musical, he trumps Jacob by a point. I love a man who enjoys watching people randomly and unnaturally break into song.**

**165 ¾. Has Edward considered trying out for a school play? (LOVE the youtube video – HSM meets Twilight... Look it up! It's AWESOME!)**

**Logical Conclusion: Edward can't do a play. It would be just another opportunity for people to notice he's different. **

**Sarah's Story: (Carlisle settles into a seat in the theatre and notices the person next to him.) "My son Edward's in this show. I see they're doing Shakespeare. My grandfather met the guy once. Shakespeare, ya know. Guess he seemed like a real downer. Likes to kill most people in his tragedies. Real melancholy guy. Smelled like B.O., cabbage and alcohol. Nice man. British."**


End file.
